A letter to The one that broke your heart the hardest.

A letter to Your Ex-girlfriend/love,
The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain,
Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad,
The one that broke your heart the hardest.




Dear Amy Perez,

It’s been a year since our break up. This coming December will make 3 years of you haunting my dreams. El cucuy always creeping up on me, smothering me, putting hands on me, leaving bruises and scars on my heart for an angel to care for. I can’t tell you enough how much I hate you, and how sad that chapter in my life was with you in it.

Still to this day, I dream about you. I dream about your drunken rage that I saved you from and put myself at risk for. I dream about all the times you said te amo while emailing, and fucking the next bitch. I dream about every time you put me in a box, dolled me up to the stereotype of Latina housewife and put me in my place. All of those times that you hurt me do not go away with I’m sorry. And you tried once.

You were so guilt you wrote me a poem to forgive. And I’m sure you’ve written so many by now. Fellow scorpio, you don’t ask me I’m sorry out of the goodness of your heart. I know you inside and out. I created you, poeta. You ask for forgiveness because of your guilt. I spent my year and a half with you, shaping you, giving you morals to use on other women, to love other mujeres but never showed you how to love me.

And I hated myself when I was with you. Because I loved you more than I loved myself. I put you before everything and everyone. I breathed so that you could breathe so that I could make your life easier. Do you remember the time you got so drunk you pinned me up against a wall, told me what a stupid bitch I was? How much you didn’t care about me? In front of all of your friends and they had to hide me away from you because otherwise, you would have really hurt me? Lol, one of your friends told me that day that you had done this to another girlfriend of yours too. Brenda.

I remember that story. She broke up with you after that. That’s exactly what I should have done Amy. Instead I forgave you. Every time. I forgave you I went back to you. Maybe this time. Maybe this time. Maybe this time you would love me. But no, Amy, you were too selfish to love me. And even now a year later, when I’m happily with someone, thoughts of you hurt me. Every time I see you in a dream you hurt me. YOU HAUNT ME. The abuse you made me believe I deserved. El cucuy never escapes me. And I wish that you would just die to me. I wish that the chapter when I loved you was erased from my timeline because now my dreams are filled with my hatred for you.

You remember how we broke up? Yeah, me neither. Oh it was because we didn’t. You kicked me out. Kept all my furniture. Left to New York to fuck Kathy, Nini and some other bitch I can’t remember the name of. But then lol 2 weeks later you missed me remember? While you started fucking Kirsten. LOL I remember and then I went back to you again and you fucked me. And the day that I left you fucked her again.

The universe punished you for that Amy. Do you remember that phone call you made the day that I left. Crying in your bathroom? How sorry you were that you only knew what you had when I was gone? And you got so sick for the next couple of days, fever, couldn't even get out of bed... I did that to you Amy. And I was waiting for your next relationship to fail. I knew it would. You are too selfish to love someone else.

LOL ANOTHER ex fiancé? Jeez, you’re stacking those up aren’t you? How old are you now, Amy? About to be 24? You’ve been engaged twice now? Daaamn, something must not be going right. What happened this last ex fiancé? I could probably guess and be right on point.

See, the reason I write to you now is because I hate you so much. I write to you because you are the place of my darkness times. You are rock bottom for me, Amy. And if I ever see you in San Francisco I’ll hurt you. I want to so badly. I’ve never felt such a rage inside me before you. This monster that you created from your toxic lovemaking, your poisonous death kiss.

Here’s the thing Amy. I want to hurt you. I do. Every inch of me wants to tear you apart. Hurt you like you hurt me. Drag you in and drag you out limp. Put you in a box, pull your strings, fuck you worthless, make you nothing. Because you did it to me. But, I need to stop hating you. I know I need to stop hating you. I know I need to forgive you. But I don’t know how. After everything you did to me on purpose when you watched me cry, do drugs, cut myself, drink myself into a coma, when you put your hands on me as you got drunker and drunker, all the girls you fucked while we were together, after what I did to try to keep you, the desperation that I felt trying to keep you. I don’t know how to forgive you for this pain. Amy, I hate you so much. Every ounce of love that I had for you poisoned me and became this hatred. And I wish I never loved you so that I didn’t feel this way.

My girlfriend now is so much better than you. She looks so much better than you. She treats me so much better than you ever did. She is an angel. And she loves me. I thought I’d never love anyone after you. And I do. And it feels so amazing to be in love with someone that loves me back.

I don’t know how to forgive you for everything you did to me Amy. I really don’t know how.





Libre Siempre,

What we need is a revolution...

The message is clear to me. I know my purpose on this planet. I know it must seem a bit foolish being so young, and thinking this but I know it in my heart. So how do I accomplish my purpose? Christ reborn? All of the pieces are put together in my head, why everything is the way that it is today. We are being control by wealth and the pursuit of profit. Money on our minds corrupting our true essence, who we are as beings, warping us into a virus as each generation that goes by it’s getting worse and worse. And I see all of the connections. It has gotten into every part of our lives now, how we behave towards each other, what we think about ourselves. How do you reverse that kind of brainwashing? How do you open the minds of millions to what should be common knowledge? It makes me feel helpless. I am only one person and I can only inspire so many people. I need them to continue what I am starting. We need to remember who we are as beings not as consumers. We ARE NOT CONSUMERS. Corporations have human rights? A fucking building as human rights? It’s unbelievable to me that this has gone so far? And now I keep thinking, is there still hope for the future? Is this the end? All of the signs point to a great change. I have been put on this planet at this time, with the people around me and been influenced by this education to serve a purpose. I know this in my heart. I need to help the people. We are all drowning, blind, and deaf, nobody is going to survive this if we don’t turn around now…..

What we need is a revolution...

Next stop

my bones rattle with the anxiety to move
restless hungry at the pit of my stomagh
i'm constantly lookin through cabinets for crumbs
picky little bitch
never satisfied with top ramen.
shaving my head for the freedom and the money
contributing the the redefinition of beauty.
I'm dreaming about my ex's all the time.
I don't sit on that thought too long because I hate her still.
Shooting arrows with my eyez
i'm smiling with pearls for teeth
a laugh like a whistle, I pierce the silence
and the noise echos off the walls all around the house
waking up all 4 cats and the dog
2 grown children mesmorized by the music and the lightshow on the screen
I'm straving because I hate to cook
and I never moisturize anymore because I feel dirty
when cat hair sticks onto my body.
Oh, the life in the country.

I don't take any kind of harassment from men

Things to discuss in my next vlog

MACHO MEN WATCHING MY CHANNEL

My channel to directed to mostly women, women of color and LGBT community.
I don't mind heterosexual male allies.
What I do mind is after everything I just said about women needing to be loved, needing to love themselves how women need to get more powerful
YOU dare to fucking hit on me in a disrespectful manner?

Compliments are ONE thing.

But comments like Ur so hot I wanna have sex with you or ur a lesbian LETS FUCK or i won't penetrate you as of now? WTF I'm a fucking lesbian in a fucking relationship. HOW DARE YOU DISREGARD MY RELATIONSHIP! HOW DARE YOU DISREGARD MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION!

I don't hate all men.
I love men.
Kind men who are understanding of women,
RESPECTFUL me thats so hard to find nowadays.
men who can show that they can be feminine too.
they can be compassionate and caring and nurturing people as well.
Men who don't feed into this bullshit about being macho.
Macho bullshit isn't sexy period.
It's sexist and WRONG simple as that.

Any man that claims he's not soft isn't a REAL man or even a whole human being for that matter.

I dont tolerate sexual innuedos from men or ANYONE. I don't tolerate lack of respect for my relationship or my sexual orientation.
I'm not here as a target for your twisted fantasies or your homophobia.

When subscribing to my channel
USE your best judgement
THIS IS FOR EVERYONE.
DUDES, CHICKS, GENDERQUEERS TRANSPEOPLE!


ask yourself a couple questions first
1) Would I like to expand my way of thinking?
2) Would I like to connect with a genuine person on youtube?
3) Would I like to grow as a person to better myself and my community?
4) Would I like to enrich the world?

If you said no to one or more of these questions then FUCK OFF MY CHANNEL.
REAL RECOGNIZE REAL.


To everyone who's kept it real with me.... I love you guys. You know who you are. And you are all amazing people.

living in oakland, ca

http://www.wikihow.com/Squat-in-Abandoned-Property

Dear Stranger,

I tell you everything because you don't understand the context. I am what a voice, or a text or a couple of videos in your head. But I'm not real. As real as I am to myself, you don't know me, hold me here in this episode i'm spilling out onto your lap. I'm sorry but sometimes the easiest person to talk to is someone I don't know. Simply because you don't care for me and you don't know my herstory. The context is lost from the message and it's just what I have to say there. Those words make me who I am. Stranger, perhaps this helps to know the person that I am and you can begin to fill in the blanks, piece together the puzzle and I will be a figment of a person you can comprehend. Perhaps I can be real then. But now, I am just here in words on a computer screen.


Love,
Libre

Letter to The person you miss the most

I guess I'm doing these out of order and whenever I feel like it.



Dear Mely,

You had your graduation like a week ago. And I couldn't be there. Not that you would have let me go if I was around. You wouldn't let me take pictures with you. I know you didn't have a good time. I'm sorry you have such shitty people in your class. I can't believe you're almost 18 now.

It's crazy how time flys. I miss you all the time. I wonder a lot of the time whether you miss me. Whether you think about all of the sibling mischief we used to get into when we were little. Do you remember that one time we went to a Xmas party at one of mom's friends houses and mom and dad got really drunk. They were laughing all crazy taking tequila shots and making dumb jokes and we were sitting at the table looking at each other like wtf....LOL I still look at that picture all the time.

I remember when we were little we shared a room and your feet used to smell SOOO BAD! Even through socks! OmG! I remember I used to tell you not to take off your shoes because they smelled. lol You remember that little backyard we had at the trailer park? Or feeding the ducks? Or playing mermaid in the pool? Or the game Splash wars? Or how about the when I came out to you? Or what about the first day we went to the same high school?

I have so many memories with you. It's hard going day to day without you. I didn't know you would have such a grudge against me after that shit happened. We had always been able to make up. I even forgive you for telling dad all my secrets. You are more important to me than that. You are my first best friend. You were my light. my laughter. my muse.

I wish I knew you again. It's been so long. A year and some change. How many years will go by until you speak to me again? How many years will go by until we hug again? How many years will go by, Honey Bee? I will call out to you until you answer. I will hold out my arms waiting for you to hug me back for as long as it takes. I miss you all the time. Every day that goes by.

I dont want 8 years to go by. With ZERO contact from you. 2 scorpios chained in ugly deceite. I live for you 3. SEVEN days, SEVEN nights all week every week. I've counted 8 shooting stars so far wishing for a miracle 4 us 2 be okay one day. I love you 3x what you remember.


Ring*Ring

Love your big sister,
Rose

benevolent headaches rattle my brains
criss crossing with the old times
mixing alcoholic drinks with esctasy pills
reaching back through time to save myself
to love myself
away from cuts and bruises just to feel alive
to feel real because this life is multiple realms,
dimensions all at once,
infinite universes and the now
is based on decision which is always changing
never at a constent
and I grow restless in the present
with time that I can wrap around my hands
The air is thick outside
it suffocates my lungs when I run
the air is moist around my head
causing aches on my temples
i look inward for adventure
seek the spirit that I lose every time I reminsce
but still, I can't find where it is.

because I'm paranoid apparently

People are being controlled by thousands of institutions. The most important institutions having to do with the basic means of survival. Whoever owns the basic needs of a person owns the person.

Basic needs of human beings- food/water, shelter, and clothing.

Next needs are sanitation, education, and healthcare.

Corporations control everything that is being put out into society now

THE MEN BEHIND THE CURTAIN-The Bilderbergers
Examples
• media (newspapers, magazines, television channels, popular social networking websites like myspace, youtube, facebook, advertising ) TOUGH GUISE, KILLING US SOFTLY,
• education (textbooks provided, subjects taught, methods to teach, whom to teach by providing funding)
• food (genetically engineered crops like corn, soybeans, wheat, cotton, livestock, poultry) watch THE FUTURE OF FOOD, FAST FOOD NATION
• water

• Health care
(must see the documentary SICKO again)
• Shelter

• Sanitation (EPA, FDA are government controlled)

• Money/jobs/banks/economy watch OBAMA DECEPTION, ZEITGEIST I, II, III

• Religion

• Law

The people running the biggest businesses (corporations) are the same people running the Government. Wall Street owns the Government
1. Linda Fisher- EPA and Corporation (get name)

What I need to do to get the people aware

1. name various documentaries that need to be watched by the public
2. promote cognitive thought- Question everything
3. protest in a mass

people have control over the media, they would be board members of major media conglamorates. The government? Private parties and investment groups that shell out almost billions of dollars annually to campaigns, so long as the candidate or person in office agrees with them. Banks? Banks are always in it for their own private interest, just like media corporations. Think about it, would the bank exist if it wasn't making money? And where do you think that money is coming from?


"I wouldn't even be surprised if a future head of the FBI will remember the Panthers fondly. After all, the man responsible for the execution of Jesus Christ, Pontius Pilate, died a Christian." -Ishmael Reed

day one Letter to your Best Friend

Dear Hazel,
I love you with all my heart. We take care of each other. You are a sister to me and you will forever be my family. You crazy bitch lol I miss you all the time. You don't judge me. You have such a huge heart. Sometimes you are the biggest pain in my ass but you always find a way to make me crack the f up. You've always understood what I was going through even if I couldn't find words to say. You seen me at the bottom and you've known me when I was on top of the world. You are my support system. You are an anchor. My goddamn hubby, you messy fool you. I'm so proud of everything that you are doing right now. Someday you are gonna shake the world and I'ma be there to shake it with you. I'm so grateful for you in my life.

Love, Rose

Dear Ana,
Darling! I've known you for years now. Out of all my friends you and your hubby-to-be AJ I've known you two the longest. In high school, we never really talked but you had your life and I had mine and I always thought you were pretty awesome. And then the most amazing thing happened! Summer time at Joe's house! FUCKKK We were always there getting drunk!!! LOL through all the drunk times when we've had conversations that I can't remember, all the times when we talked about future plans of our lives, when our families were going FUCKING CRAZY, you stuck by me and I stuck by you. You are a safe haven. I love you so much, you don't even know. You are a sister and a guardian at times. We are growing up so fast...I can't believe you are about to get married....seems like just yesterday we had that party at my house and AJ came over. OH SHIET!LOL We have so many good times...so many rough times but through every time you were family to me. I'm so excited to see you walk down the aisle. I'm going to be crying through the whole ceremony! Can't wait until you have kids and I have kids and my kids call you TIA ANA. You are forever my DARLING!! and my first wife ;) haha

Love,
Rose

30 days of Letters

On this day you write a letter to:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

golden stars

Paint Dropper from Liik on Vimeo.

An audio responsive Quartz Composition i made for live VJing use in VDMX.

jail bird

I feel these hard cold metal cufflinks
wrap around my wrists suffocating
the blood outta my hands behind my back
it's not nessecary
i'm not a criminal or dangerous
even with this knife in my bag
i can't do any damage
but that's not the issue.

The weigh of oppression on my back
getting heavier as I enter the system,
fingerprints and the sides of my hands are recorded
Big Brother's got a watchful eye
and I'm in his peripheral vision.

Stripped of all possessions,
doesn't matter what you did
because you're a criminal now,
doesn't matter how unjust the system is,
you're a statistic
and this black female cop's got something to prove.
she bathes in pigs blood.
She's not like the rest of us
even though she shares our roots.

Sit down but I can't relax
the air is toxic,
heavy with guilt, old ghosts that haunt the walls
blood on the floor from the black girl
that probably did nothing wrong
her timing that was off,
bloody fake hair caked on her scalp,
so high she can catch the stars
I don't blame her at all.

trying to make the best of this situation,
honestly it's not that bad it was just boring,
locked behind a ton of brick with little ventilation
and a drunk white bitch driving home to her newborn.
switching drunken idiots every couple of hours
repeating the same story over and over.

and I guess some people just don't learn,
once you are in the system,
you are erased from planet earth
forever condemed to slave labor,

this jail is for profit
and these cops are your keepers.
Doesn't matter what you did,
or how unjust it is for you to be here,
next to the homeless guy who has to stay
cuz he's too broke to make bail.
Can't get blood out of a turnip.

Wasting my tax dollars to have me sit on cement benches
bored for 12 hours until the judge tells me to sign these papers
and come back for court hearing.

Why are you stealing?
Just trying to survive, sir, just trying to keep living.

They steal my money,
I don't see anyone going to jail for that.
This is stupid.

Note to self: Be a better thief and when you leave the store, don't ever wait. No matter how nice you think some people will be for cooperating, they don't care what happens to you because they obviously don't know what really happens once the system has you. You are not longer human, you are now property.


It's just common knowlegde for people of color and the poor.

Plan B

We might have to skip a couple cities
but so far these are the ones we are FOR SURE gonna hit:

Philly
New York
New Jersey
Vermont
Boston



babywipes
sleeping bag
tarp
clothing line
detregent
travel sized anything
tent
blanket
shoes
rain pancho