days

1 day 22 hours left.
I sleep through the days, I don't see the sun.
I sleep through the days.
The hours are only in reality,
here outside my head where time tick tocks.
i sleep through the days. I don't see the sun.
She hides from me, behind the horizon.
I missed all those days sleeping through them
I don't ever see the sun.
1 day 22 hours left.

myths

"One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them:


[Primeval man] could walk upright as men now do, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace, turning on his four hands and four feet, eight in all, like tumblers going over and over with their legs in the air; this was when he wanted to run fast …Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they made an attack upon the gods ... Doubt reigned in the celestial councils. Should they kill them and annihilate the race with thunderbolts, as they had done the giants, then there would be an end of the sacrifices and worship which men offered to them; but, on the other hand, the gods could not suffer their insolence to be unrestrained. At last, after a good deal of reflection, Zeus discovered a way. He said: 'Methinks I have a plan which will humble their pride and improve their manners; men shall continue to exist, but I will cut them in two and then they will be diminished in strength and increased in numbers; this will have the advantage of making them more profitable to us. They shall walk upright on two legs, and if they continue insolent and will not be quiet, I will split them again and they shall hop about on a single leg.'
—Aristophanes, Plato’s Symposium, [1]



The feet of Saint Guénolé (Winwaloe, Guignolé) statue, in a Prigny (Loire-Atlantique) chapel, are pierced with needles by local girls who hope to find their soulmates.



Some people[vague][who?] believe that souls are literally made and/or fated to be the mates of each other, or to play certain other important roles in each other's lives.

According to theories popularized by Theosophy and in a modified form by Edgar Cayce, God created androgynous souls, equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or "separation from God".
Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other.
When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.[2][3]

White Oleanders

I think of chewing oleanders; white ones, pink ones, orange ones that mimic the sunset. Their razor leaves cutting into my skin, seeping poisons through my tongue, my gums, in between my teeth swollen with their quiet death.



This book is amazing. Gives me so many good ideas to write about.

just a moment in time

Dec. 10, 2009

My lack of motivation should have killed me years ago.
Instead of being an adult and going through paper, I sit
here and get high.

Monday went by; Seaport, get high, get alcohol, food,
get high, drive to your house, get high, draw, write,
drink, talk, laugh, drink, make videos, talk, get high,
talk, talk, drink pass out. Tuesday; get high, food, talk,
clean, get high, high all day long until I sleep and then
realize I see you so much being so far away. Wednesday;
mostly sober, went to work, wasn't sober anymore.
My life is about to change and I think I'm in denial.

happy early three months babe

I'm sorry i didn't know i was gonna fly until I saw the buildings below.
I breathed in the air and saw you before me.
An angel, rare to find along the timeline of eternity,
we could have never met,
gone all our lives without each other
but for some reason I found you
and we fit like the pieces of a puzzle.
Simple.
one plus one equals one.
It doesn't make sense but it does.
Jus flying high,
pass the clouds
but I stop to admire the gaze in your eyez,
forgetting to fly higher in this dangerous wind
that carries me away farther from you,
the trance of the grey smooth ocean of clouds
moving like water dancing alongside the sunlight
orange and yellow, the most beautiful sight of my life
heaven in sight,
This is what the light must look like.
Nirvana.
The truth.
The place of a higher consciousness.
There is such a place. I believe in something beautiful.
There it is in the sun, the wide globe floating in the colors
painted in the background by the hand of La Virgin de Gualalupe
the true goddess we worshipped for centuries
The mother. The sun. Giving birth to life.
I'll bring you back a souvenir from paradise.
This hypnotizing wind, the danger of seduction
A tornado but you caught me.
Angel. Your wings that I see hiding in your bones,
their imprint underneath flesh
you have not lost your freedom to fly, Angel.
higher and higher and higher
dancing in the light, the winds, the grey of the sky,
the grey of my smoke, exhale.

stress related pains in my legs that grow like vines into my arms that get heavier
my legs that slow down with each step I force myself to continue force myself to breathe
counting down until I am alive again,

what is depression? It isn't even matter. not molecules. not atoms.
What does any of it matter? Really?

My body is tearing itself apart trying not to fall apart
in puzzle pieces scattered on the bridge towards home
towards freedom
from depression.