insecurities always follow me

clawing my way to the surface, removing flesh from bone, stripped of reason
sanity is hiding underneath my bed, i'm crawling towards the daylight
everlasting mysteries that the sun holds dear
shake me alive with fear that I might disappear like warm water evaporating
dropping from the clouds like rain a billion miles from here
and then landing in some foreign land where I dont understand the language
dont have the time written on my hand or wrist
still i persist to claw my way past it,
each second twists behind my back
burned onto my muscles, permenant scars of misery
that dont fade into the mintues
i'm scared when you dream.
maybe youll wake up and realize I'm not good enough to be yours.
insecurities always follow me for years after the worst has past.
I'm sorry you deal with all my baggage.
Tears are worthless you know.
It's just about actions
words dont mean anything if there's nothing to stand firm upon
stand tall enough to look down at the little people like ants from
im missing the destruction, not letting myself sip into a coma of despair
not while you're here, sleeping.
I promise not to slip away while youre watching.
just rest. I wont be too far, I promise.
I wont crawl away into the darkness.
I want to taste it. hold it like a child.
carry it in my womb growing
developing fingers and toes, a life outside of my own.
but i wont.
i promised i wouldnt right?

and a promise is a promise.

Babe. Wake up.
If I stay alone in my own head too long this is what happens.