A letter to The one that broke your heart the hardest.

A letter to Your Ex-girlfriend/love,
The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain,
Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad,
The one that broke your heart the hardest.




Dear Amy Perez,

It’s been a year since our break up. This coming December will make 3 years of you haunting my dreams. El cucuy always creeping up on me, smothering me, putting hands on me, leaving bruises and scars on my heart for an angel to care for. I can’t tell you enough how much I hate you, and how sad that chapter in my life was with you in it.

Still to this day, I dream about you. I dream about your drunken rage that I saved you from and put myself at risk for. I dream about all the times you said te amo while emailing, and fucking the next bitch. I dream about every time you put me in a box, dolled me up to the stereotype of Latina housewife and put me in my place. All of those times that you hurt me do not go away with I’m sorry. And you tried once.

You were so guilt you wrote me a poem to forgive. And I’m sure you’ve written so many by now. Fellow scorpio, you don’t ask me I’m sorry out of the goodness of your heart. I know you inside and out. I created you, poeta. You ask for forgiveness because of your guilt. I spent my year and a half with you, shaping you, giving you morals to use on other women, to love other mujeres but never showed you how to love me.

And I hated myself when I was with you. Because I loved you more than I loved myself. I put you before everything and everyone. I breathed so that you could breathe so that I could make your life easier. Do you remember the time you got so drunk you pinned me up against a wall, told me what a stupid bitch I was? How much you didn’t care about me? In front of all of your friends and they had to hide me away from you because otherwise, you would have really hurt me? Lol, one of your friends told me that day that you had done this to another girlfriend of yours too. Brenda.

I remember that story. She broke up with you after that. That’s exactly what I should have done Amy. Instead I forgave you. Every time. I forgave you I went back to you. Maybe this time. Maybe this time. Maybe this time you would love me. But no, Amy, you were too selfish to love me. And even now a year later, when I’m happily with someone, thoughts of you hurt me. Every time I see you in a dream you hurt me. YOU HAUNT ME. The abuse you made me believe I deserved. El cucuy never escapes me. And I wish that you would just die to me. I wish that the chapter when I loved you was erased from my timeline because now my dreams are filled with my hatred for you.

You remember how we broke up? Yeah, me neither. Oh it was because we didn’t. You kicked me out. Kept all my furniture. Left to New York to fuck Kathy, Nini and some other bitch I can’t remember the name of. But then lol 2 weeks later you missed me remember? While you started fucking Kirsten. LOL I remember and then I went back to you again and you fucked me. And the day that I left you fucked her again.

The universe punished you for that Amy. Do you remember that phone call you made the day that I left. Crying in your bathroom? How sorry you were that you only knew what you had when I was gone? And you got so sick for the next couple of days, fever, couldn't even get out of bed... I did that to you Amy. And I was waiting for your next relationship to fail. I knew it would. You are too selfish to love someone else.

LOL ANOTHER ex fiancé? Jeez, you’re stacking those up aren’t you? How old are you now, Amy? About to be 24? You’ve been engaged twice now? Daaamn, something must not be going right. What happened this last ex fiancé? I could probably guess and be right on point.

See, the reason I write to you now is because I hate you so much. I write to you because you are the place of my darkness times. You are rock bottom for me, Amy. And if I ever see you in San Francisco I’ll hurt you. I want to so badly. I’ve never felt such a rage inside me before you. This monster that you created from your toxic lovemaking, your poisonous death kiss.

Here’s the thing Amy. I want to hurt you. I do. Every inch of me wants to tear you apart. Hurt you like you hurt me. Drag you in and drag you out limp. Put you in a box, pull your strings, fuck you worthless, make you nothing. Because you did it to me. But, I need to stop hating you. I know I need to stop hating you. I know I need to forgive you. But I don’t know how. After everything you did to me on purpose when you watched me cry, do drugs, cut myself, drink myself into a coma, when you put your hands on me as you got drunker and drunker, all the girls you fucked while we were together, after what I did to try to keep you, the desperation that I felt trying to keep you. I don’t know how to forgive you for this pain. Amy, I hate you so much. Every ounce of love that I had for you poisoned me and became this hatred. And I wish I never loved you so that I didn’t feel this way.

My girlfriend now is so much better than you. She looks so much better than you. She treats me so much better than you ever did. She is an angel. And she loves me. I thought I’d never love anyone after you. And I do. And it feels so amazing to be in love with someone that loves me back.

I don’t know how to forgive you for everything you did to me Amy. I really don’t know how.





Libre Siempre,