1 day 22 hours left.
I sleep through the days, I don't see the sun.
I sleep through the days.
The hours are only in reality,
here outside my head where time tick tocks.
i sleep through the days. I don't see the sun.
She hides from me, behind the horizon.
I missed all those days sleeping through them
I don't ever see the sun.
1 day 22 hours left.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
myths
[Primeval man] could walk upright as men now do, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace, turning on his four hands and four feet, eight in all, like tumblers going over and over with their legs in the air; this was when he wanted to run fast …Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they made an attack upon the gods ... Doubt reigned in the celestial councils. Should they kill them and annihilate the race with thunderbolts, as they had done the giants, then there would be an end of the sacrifices and worship which men offered to them; but, on the other hand, the gods could not suffer their insolence to be unrestrained. At last, after a good deal of reflection, Zeus discovered a way. He said: 'Methinks I have a plan which will humble their pride and improve their manners; men shall continue to exist, but I will cut them in two and then they will be diminished in strength and increased in numbers; this will have the advantage of making them more profitable to us. They shall walk upright on two legs, and if they continue insolent and will not be quiet, I will split them again and they shall hop about on a single leg.'
—Aristophanes, Plato’s Symposium, [1]
The feet of Saint Guénolé (Winwaloe, Guignolé) statue, in a Prigny (Loire-Atlantique) chapel, are pierced with needles by local girls who hope to find their soulmates.
Some people[vague][who?] believe that souls are literally made and/or fated to be the mates of each other, or to play certain other important roles in each other's lives.
According to theories popularized by Theosophy and in a modified form by Edgar Cayce, God created androgynous souls, equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or "separation from God".
Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other.
When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.[2][3]

Monday, December 14, 2009
White Oleanders
I think of chewing oleanders; white ones, pink ones, orange ones that mimic the sunset. Their razor leaves cutting into my skin, seeping poisons through my tongue, my gums, in between my teeth swollen with their quiet death.

This book is amazing. Gives me so many good ideas to write about.

This book is amazing. Gives me so many good ideas to write about.
just a moment in time
My lack of motivation should have killed me years ago.
Instead of being an adult and going through paper, I sit
here and get high.
Monday went by; Seaport, get high, get alcohol, food,
get high, drive to your house, get high, draw, write,
drink, talk, laugh, drink, make videos, talk, get high,
talk, talk, drink pass out. Tuesday; get high, food, talk,
clean, get high, high all day long until I sleep and then
realize I see you so much being so far away. Wednesday;
mostly sober, went to work, wasn't sober anymore.
My life is about to change and I think I'm in denial.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I'm sorry i didn't know i was gonna fly until I saw the buildings below.
I breathed in the air and saw you before me.
An angel, rare to find along the timeline of eternity,
we could have never met,
gone all our lives without each other
but for some reason I found you
and we fit like the pieces of a puzzle.
Simple.
one plus one equals one.
It doesn't make sense but it does.
Jus flying high,
pass the clouds
but I stop to admire the gaze in your eyez,
forgetting to fly higher in this dangerous wind
that carries me away farther from you,
the trance of the grey smooth ocean of clouds
moving like water dancing alongside the sunlight
orange and yellow, the most beautiful sight of my life
heaven in sight,
This is what the light must look like.
Nirvana.
The truth.
The place of a higher consciousness.
There is such a place. I believe in something beautiful.
There it is in the sun, the wide globe floating in the colors
painted in the background by the hand of La Virgin de Gualalupe
the true goddess we worshipped for centuries
The mother. The sun. Giving birth to life.
I'll bring you back a souvenir from paradise.
This hypnotizing wind, the danger of seduction
A tornado but you caught me.
Angel. Your wings that I see hiding in your bones,
their imprint underneath flesh
you have not lost your freedom to fly, Angel.
higher and higher and higher
dancing in the light, the winds, the grey of the sky,
the grey of my smoke,exhale.

I breathed in the air and saw you before me.
An angel, rare to find along the timeline of eternity,
we could have never met,
gone all our lives without each other
but for some reason I found you
and we fit like the pieces of a puzzle.
Simple.
one plus one equals one.
It doesn't make sense but it does.
Jus flying high,
pass the clouds
but I stop to admire the gaze in your eyez,
forgetting to fly higher in this dangerous wind
that carries me away farther from you,
the trance of the grey smooth ocean of clouds
moving like water dancing alongside the sunlight
orange and yellow, the most beautiful sight of my life
heaven in sight,
This is what the light must look like.
Nirvana.
The truth.
The place of a higher consciousness.
There is such a place. I believe in something beautiful.
There it is in the sun, the wide globe floating in the colors
painted in the background by the hand of La Virgin de Gualalupe
the true goddess we worshipped for centuries
The mother. The sun. Giving birth to life.
I'll bring you back a souvenir from paradise.
This hypnotizing wind, the danger of seduction
A tornado but you caught me.
Angel. Your wings that I see hiding in your bones,
their imprint underneath flesh
you have not lost your freedom to fly, Angel.
higher and higher and higher
dancing in the light, the winds, the grey of the sky,
the grey of my smoke,

my legs that slow down with each step I force myself to continue force myself to breathe
counting down until I am alive again,
what is depression? It isn't even matter. not molecules. not atoms.
What does any of it matter? Really?
My body is tearing itself apart trying not to fall apart
in puzzle pieces scattered on the bridge towards home
towards freedom
from depression.

Thursday, December 10, 2009
You cause lunacy, the moon at your fingers to break and squeeze out every last drop of misery
Split home, the blame game is the only game i've ever played growing up
in fantom houses, el cucuy caught in my sheets pretending to love me, calls me Baby from the closet. fangs that sucked at my legs and neck, leeching stories of alcohol abuse. Think I don't remember?
Hungry monsters that crawl inside my dreams. I've loved hyde all her life, became the DNA engrained into her veins but I left that addiction back at Rehab.
Loving the battering hand, bad apple on my head until I took a bite and fell asleep along the path to success. Clawing my hands up, out of the dirt, 6 feet underneath the city where lost angels run to, where dreamers grow up in paint and blood. I found you looking through everyone. And here I am, as you wished. the one nobody could see until I disappeared, right before your eyez.

counting down the seconds
until you are here in my life
wrapped up in my arms,
swaying to the music of our hearts beating
hear it through our chests.
Keep my panties down, my mouth open,
my hands deep inside your thought process.
wrapped up in my arms,
swaying to the music of our hearts beating
hear it through our chests.
Keep my panties down, my mouth open,
my hands deep inside your thought process.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Hide inside this shiny shell,
deep in the creases molded by the sea,
keep me safe somewhere hiding in pink flesh
so easily torn apart by teeth
if not protect by this armor beauty,
this hardened skin.
Colors blending into rocks and sand.
I am unseen.
Safe.
A part of the scenery.
This ocean blue that cradles me.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
thought processes
I catch your dreams in butterfly nets
create oceans for you with my tears
hold the mountains together when they want to fall upon you
sink in the mudslide to save you from its dirty memories
baby, you don't even realize how deep
how vast and fathomless this feeling is.
The universe is yours just ask for it.
Tell me what you want and you will have it.
Tell me what you need, anything at your disposal
the earth, the sky, the seas
I will manipulate time to run slow when I am with you
take the sun and hold it in position
so that you could embrace me and catch the clouds for me,
takes more time than we have
steal this heart from me please
grip it from my being
i want to feel its bloody roots leave me
disabling to breathe.
Bring the numb into my head,
just smoke and control the feelings,
push them down into this deep space of woe
;this giant loving heart.
Hold those memories inside
that dying heart you ripped apart.
Do me the favor and make it blue,
crack it in half,
swallow all of my memories
deep agonizing sorrow.
My violence bleeding red, sloppy messes on the dirty floor.
So many years of messy living,
so many hearts already destroyed.
My heart, dismembered for comfort,
I am a heartless fool at least I'm numb without it ,
stop it's painful yesterdays.
That heart so huge,
shattered into a million pieces never again to be revived,
or pieced back together.
Too many pieces have been lost now.
I'm sorry for leaving but my heart lost all the feelings,
broken-glass mess on the floor.`
create oceans for you with my tears
hold the mountains together when they want to fall upon you
sink in the mudslide to save you from its dirty memories
baby, you don't even realize how deep
how vast and fathomless this feeling is.
The universe is yours just ask for it.
Tell me what you want and you will have it.
Tell me what you need, anything at your disposal
the earth, the sky, the seas
I will manipulate time to run slow when I am with you
take the sun and hold it in position
so that you could embrace me and catch the clouds for me,
takes more time than we have
steal this heart from me please
grip it from my being
i want to feel its bloody roots leave me
disabling to breathe.
Bring the numb into my head,
just smoke and control the feelings,
push them down into this deep space of woe
;this giant loving heart.
Hold those memories inside
that dying heart you ripped apart.
Do me the favor and make it blue,
crack it in half,
swallow all of my memories
deep agonizing sorrow.
My violence bleeding red, sloppy messes on the dirty floor.
So many years of messy living,
so many hearts already destroyed.
My heart, dismembered for comfort,
I am a heartless fool at least I'm numb without it ,
stop it's painful yesterdays.
That heart so huge,
shattered into a million pieces never again to be revived,
or pieced back together.
Too many pieces have been lost now.
I'm sorry for leaving but my heart lost all the feelings,
broken-glass mess on the floor.`
i know your stories

Bold, aware,
a jewel that in my eyez that glows and sparkles
I can't seem to reflect her beauty in photography
she is more beautiful than technology can capture.
I watch her eyez tell me bittersweet truths,
butterscotch nothings.
Her lips are fruit
melting in sugarjuice
I lunge at her mouth
devour her scent, her tongue slick,
kissing until the world fades away
my words that press against my teeth
escape into her neck.
Her hands are bold
Her touch is aware
I can feel it everywhere
through the air
I watch her chest rise and fall
a rhythm i control,
her heart that i hold in my palms
those shameful confessions that spill onto the floor,
harmful memories that have been stored
inside this whole time
i carry them for her,
raid the closets for the skeletons,
and they are familiar
like blood is, like genetics
the stories have been laid out,
millions of pages to read.
I know them all already.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Rose in concrete
i've grown crooked through the cracks of cement
trying to reach for light
outside of this concrete jungle of hard lies and tough love.
The weeds from this suffocating life underneath the rock.
I take my vines towards the sun,
blooming inspirations of you.
The red petals that make up my face.
The center of my being.
Sweet honeydew.
The heart of the universe.
The beginning of life.
I'm the eternal truth
buried in the grounds
search for me in the roots.

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- Guerrilla Libre
- This is literally my internet notebook. My thoughts at the moment, the words that come straight from my brain to my fingertips tapping on the keyboard to you.