To be as unbiased as possible I laid out the facts for you Alex.
1) Alex agreed to help Hazel because Hazel had no job or place to stay. True
2) The money contract is between Alex’s mother and Hazel. True
3) The money belongs to Alex’s mother. True
4) Hazel left Alex’s home due to a family emergency. True
5) Alex got mad. True
6) Alex sent many hateful, demanding and angry texts to Hazel. True
7) Hazel refused to engage in an exchange of hateful words with Alex. True
8) Alex involves Rose in the dispute. True
9) Alex plays the role of the victim to Rose. True
10) Rose gave Hazel Alex’s mother’s number. True
11) Hazel spoke to Alex’s mother about their contract. True
12) Hazel commits to paying $180 as soon as possible. True
13) There is no set deadline according to Alex’s mother. True
14) Alex blackmails Hazel through Rose, “I declare that if she involves my mother in our disputes and makes me look bad in front of my family then i will involve her parents too. What does her father do for a living...? hmm, its a bad idea for hazel to involve my mother.” True.
15) Hazel as of June 22nd, 2010 has a nickel to her name. True
16) Hazel as of June 22nd, 2010 has another bill to pay. $180 to Alex’s mother. True
17) The friendship of Alex and Hazel was worth destroying for $180 True
What are you really mad at Hazel for? This isn’t about the money. “hazel is no good person.” “i did everything i could for her. i gave her money out my pocket. i drove her anything. i gave her clothes. i smoked her out. i got her drunk. i even ate her pussy on her birthday, special occassions, whenever. i really trusted her” “i took her to five star restaraunts and i hardly charged her rent. she's really hurting me” “i bought her special shampoo to fix her hair, i bought her fancy shoes” “i did everyghing for her. her last bitch left her 500 in the hole and i ADDED to her shit. now look at what she does. she has something-someone nice and she just shits all over it. you can't be supported like a princess and have nice things and generous people if you stab them in the back and walk out on your promises to them. i dont care that she left me”
Alex, you do care that she left. You feel as if she left YOU. You feel hurt that you did so much for her and you feel that she is in debt to you for all of the material things that you bought for her; you feel that she is in debt to you for all of the kindness you gave to her. You are hurt that she did not give you the same amount of material things back. You feel that she did not return all of the kindness you gave to her.
You have much more than Hazel does. But still she gave you the little she had. You have let your hurt blind you. You let your hurt turn into rage and shredded your friendship with Hazel apart and then blamed it on money because it was an easy thing to point to. Hazel and you both come from very different social classes. Money means something very different to you than it does to Hazel. Hazel grew up on food stamps. One example of this abundance and privilege that you have is $400 grocery receipts. 2 fridges, one for fresh food, another for leftovers. You are very privileged Alex and that privilege is also blinding you to the mess you are making over something you have an abundance of.
Alex, why can’t you remember the years that went by? S.T.O.N.E.? A real friendship and relationship is one based on trust, honesty, kindness and communication. There is no point system. Friendships have rotations of when one gives more than the other because they have less and vice versa and other times when both share equally (emotionally or financially). That’s a normal part of friendships. Hazel and I have given so much to you, Alex. We aren’t keeping a tab. We like to smoke you out. We like to give you food if you want it. We liked your company. We introduced you to our friends. Hazel gave you whatever she could whenever she could with whatever she had. Time spent together is much more valuable than money. Emotional and moral support is more valuable than money. Don’t you remember all those deep emotional talks you had with Hazel? All those times, you held each other because you needed it? You forget so easily about those non-material things that Hazel gave to you. Hazel loved you for you- deep down- suppressed and love-hungry.
I laid out the facts for you on top. We are not perfect people. We are not perfect friends or family members. We make mistakes and sometimes hurt each other through absent-mindedness but in the end, we discuss it and heal the wounds. Friends and family give selflessly to each other without expecting a reward. This is true love; self sacrificing and selfless.
You have poisoned yourself with manipulating lies. You hide your true essence at home with your parents; they don’t know you. Your brother can betray you. Do you cry often? Deep wallowing tears that run rivers into your pillows screaming in their silence. You hate the lies, love. You hate that they cover your light. Let them go. I know you hurt inside, Alex. I’ve read your poetry. But, what you don’t see is that your pain is self inflicted. Alex, I know deep down you understand what I’m telling you is true. Perhaps it makes you angry (so much rage that clouds your heart) to reveal the truth. Let go of your hate and your anger and your pain. You don’t need those to write or to live.
Real love stared you in the face. Real love looked at you dead in the eyez. Your rage destroys this real love. Do not let it destroy you, Alex. You cannot live in lies forever; you cannot hide in a lie. The truth is always too bright to be covered. And I have too much faith in the fact you are a person in search for love and what it means to be loved.
'Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
"You
owe Me."
Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights
the Whole Sky. '
-Hafiz
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