Early early morning before the sun woke up

I got onto the bus and wrote this.

8am.

"I stare at myself in the reflection on the bus glass panels next to the door to exit. Today I forgot to kiss her goodbye before I left. She feels misplaced here, with no purpose. In reality, I'm not who I say I am. I have selfish impulses just like regular people. There is no good semaritan here. I am at times rude and senile, a lost soul, just like you. My fantasy image inspires greatness apparently. Everyone sees their human potential. I've seen mine. I live through my potential. I stare at myself in the reflection on the bus glass panels next to the door to exit. As MacArthur stretches into forever. Past High St back into the bomb shelter."

Then again at 11am

"I think about whether my behavior is sporatic or just rebellion against routine. I've never liked doing the exact same routine, day in and day out. I'm back on the bus in the middle across from the door to the exit. A light skinned dude with his homo erotic fashion; glasses and skinny jeans, raps about his self esteem. And the bus is filled top to bottom with chit chat. I am in a bright red dress and sandals, I look pretty stupid, its overcast. The air is moist outside--a slight mist as you stride. This bus routine is so familiar. But I have yet to recognize a driver; where do they all go everyday? And the people are always different. Very seldom do I see a familiar smiling face. We're passing the tattoo shop now. Im not even close to the house yet. My lover told me last night that my eyez looked like a zombie's from 28 days later. I took 3 rips off the bong and I know she disapproved. Relationships are about compromise. Never once until now have I ever felt selfish. So now that I've pieced myself together, will I ruin this? Because I've always given away my self-worth and now it was built. I thought the whole point of getting me healthy was to make me eventually do it myself-- SUSTAINABILITY!!!"

I'm going to sleep until Jack takes me shopping. Today I am a cumslut femme-- only a fraction of myself. I made $20 today. I have $320 saved up, we need $380 more for rent. I have to figure out how to make rent money.

A Tribute to My Well-Being

Well, a cumslut femme lesbian sexy Latina; ripe and ready for the picking needs her weekly manicure, tri-weekly bikini wax and pedicure, fresh socks, panties and bras, lingerie (to tease you with, my dear!). More jeans that fit. More shirts. More makeup. More material goods to play the part...if that's who you want me to be..