My dearest lover

Listening to: Dissolved Girl
Reading: The Hanged Man
Watching: Luvureyez
Playing: with myself
Eating: pussy
Drinking: someone else's water

My dearest lover,
You are like the sunrise in my life. My days begin the moment you turn your attention towards me. Somedays when I'm lost in my own dark thoughts, you bring me peace. It's hard to explain my dependancy on you. It's emotional and physical, you are connected to me beyond how words could explain.

It's dark and I find myself awake during the nights. Insomniac. I've been like this since I can remember, the night time has always been my time. Vampira locked inside my ocean blue cave. Beautiful mujer of mine, where can I find the fast forward button, I'm sick of this waiting. I've been waiting for salvation for so long and my patience has worn down. Now, Now...NOW!! You know how impatient I am for things to happen.

And I know that change is just around the corner, I know that my life is about to speed up because of school and because of my responsibilities. Growing up is something that petrifies me, you are the only part of growing up that I'm unafraid of. The anchor to my ship on windy ocean waves. Babe, hold me down. Stable, secure and safe.

Thank you for coming into my life. The ying to my yang. I know I'm a lot to handle sometimes. My intensity tends to run people over sometimes. Somehow you know exactly how to handle me when I need a reality check. My analytical mind. You, mujer, are my logic. And we are like endless fractals, babe. You and me, we just go well together, don't you think? I was created just for you, just as you were created only for me.

I dream of you when I crave to be close to you. I reach out through my dreams across 3,000 miles, probably much more, I feel it. Babe, every inch is magnified as I come to this realization of how profound this love is for you. Everyday it grows. How much bigger can it get? This love already so immensely heavy and bottomless.

I get carried away with my thoughts of you. I guess it's 'cause I don't give myself a lot to do other than run away to Oakland, but still. If school isn't a part of my schedule, I get lost inside the loneliness, the familiar blue feelings that creep along with me all the time.

But baby baby baby, you make the blue look like the sky. That blue isn't so bad with you.
Lover, mi linda mujer, mi hermoso futuro. I'm just here counting the seconds until I see you next.

I love you is an understatement.

Siempre tuya,

Rosa

monsters

i crawl into the dark places that don't follow the light of day
I forget what day is
I sleep through the sun rising in the sky
over me, to the sides, under the horizon
until it slips into nightfall
and stars are shooting
the moon is smiling crooked
you smile crooked with me
just like me
you attract the wicked thoughts
we are the same.
crawling into dark places where light cannot follow
forget to love the sun
sleep through the falling of day
you are death calling
you are life breathing
you are sleeping through eternity with me
in this alternative reality
somewhere in this dimension
I creep with you by my side
diving into bigger problems
to swim out bloody
we smile crooked together.
monsters in love.

devasted

i feel like this when i am here.

Good show

putting on a good face,
smiling through the waterworks
that grow inside
too much to hide
but just right
there on the surface
of the gloss
that covers my eyez
deeper than
i ever thought possible
so profound
and caressing
filling with the purpose
to yesterday's sorrows
and tomorrow's funerals
the grand opening of a circus show,
wolf inside sheep's clothing.
too much to keep track of
my dangerous urges
that lurk along the surface
of the edges of my hands
that caress you
that creep into the soul of you, then
take control over me,
overpower me,
we struggle over
the bedframe
and let you flow into the deepest parts
that are angry.
I've pasted on a brightly lit smile
with twinkle starlight eyez,
a hearty loud laugh,
the conversations are neverending
i'm the happiest person you ever saw



and I've fooled them all.

the definition

Being in love.
what does it mean to give love?
As an action
as a feeling

What does it mean when I say I give you my heart?
I rip it free from my chest
and hand you something the size of a fist
bloody and dying outside of me
but this is all I can give you
if love is what you're asking from me

Gruesome, skin peeling off the bones
I'm melting into the ground
becoming soil
if this is love
then I am everything.

Being in love.
what does it mean to give love?
as an action
or a feeling

Do you want this piece of me?
I need it to live, circulate inside
blood flowing in red beauty
i am alive here
but if you want it,
i'll sacrifice my life.

caressing my lips with your fingers
love has not ripped me apart
like I thought I would have to
You told me to leave my bloody mess inside my chest
told me to beat freely
create rivers of red that flow





and then I understood what love was.

Is it funny?

The days keep scrambling by. The minutes press buttons into time. Everlastingly.

As we get older and older, Time runs faster and faster.
We make our dreams either happen or disappear.
forevermore bettering ourselves or maybe
becoming worse diseased people
with phobias and traumas,
untreatable.

I am only a virus.
Meant for destruction.
I am only a lover.
Meant for abduction.
I am only a thief
I have stolen time
every tick is held inside my pocket.
Every tock is hidden in storage.
I am only a poet.

I can rationalize anything.

"Pulling Sky" by Artismo69

Nightmares

sinking drowning
run into circles of confusion

YOUR LOVE WAS BULLSHIT
constant ripping of my heart
always tears that smeared across my cheeks
and still you are the monster that hides underneath my bed

DON'T YOU REMEMBER YESTERDAY?!
I turn to red like blood that cakes on my wrists.
FUCK YOU like the words along my wrists.
You have no heart. You selfish bitch,
I gave you the world and you gave me the door.
STAY BURIED 6FEET UNDERGROUND.

Zombie love.
Boogiemonster love.
Dead and dying.

Russian roulette.
Pull the trigger love.
Leave me bruises when you drink love.
I don't ever want to see you again once this is over love.

I told you, you would miss me.

Domestic violence starts young

Listening to: Eres -- Cafe Tacuba
Reading: Cheap Diamonds
Watching: Luvureyez
Playing: with myself
Eating: pussy
Drinking: Nothing.



A punch in the face. Seriously.
Every single time I start to believe in blood family.
it is jus a punch in the face.
and a public bruise
a sign of abuse
that the whole world is open to seeing
but closes it's lids to me.



Babe, you are my family.
Remember this.
And I promise I'll never let you down.

Home is where the heart is

Listening to: Shwayze Ft Cisco Adler - Get U Home
Reading: Cheap Diamonds
Watching: Luvureyez
Playing: with myself
Eating: pussy
Drinking: Water from the tap

I know it's wrong to hold a grudge. But as a Scorpio, grudges kinda come with the whole package. I have plenty without meaning to have them. Most of High School is on my shitlist. Most ex-girlfriends. Some of my family members. But then again, I don't put people on my shitlist for no reason. Anyone who's ever fucked me over is on that list. I just feel like I'm surrounded by people I don't want to be around.

All of this town is crowded with High School Bullshit sprinkled with rumors and when I take a walk outside I happen to see someone from waay back when and put my head down hoping they don't recognize me. AWW FUUCK.

So I tend to leave a lot. My mom asked me why I couldn't just settle at the house. But I haven't been able to settle anywhere for a long time.

I know where home is and I can't help it if I need to keep going back.

Omg, am I just being paranoid?

[11/12/84 4:17:13 PM] Smith: Does Big Brother exist?
[11/12/84 4:17:22 PM] O'Brian: Of course he exists. The Party exists. Big Brother is the embodiment of the Party
[11/12/84 4:17:29 PM] Smith: Does he exist in the same way as I exist?
[11/12/84 4:17:33 PM] O'Brian: You do not exist
[11/12/84 4:17:48 PM] Smith: I think I exist
[11/12/84 4:18:04 PM] Smith: I am conscious of my own identity. I was born and I shall die. I have arms and legs
[11/12/84 4:18:27 PM] Smith: I occupy a particular point in space. No other solid object can occupy the same point simultaneously
[11/12/84 4:18:37 PM] Smith: In that sense, does Big Brother exist?
[11/12/84 4:18:45 PM] O'Brian: It is of no importance. He exists
[11/12/84 4:18:52 PM] Smith: Will Big Brother ever die?
[11/12/84 4:19:02 PM] O'Brian: Of course not. How could he die? Next question

reminds me of yesterday

I'ma stick in the mud

Show me your swollen memories before the moment's stolen
Swollen pride as it lays dead in your hands,
can't keep up with the insults that the world serves on a platter
The daily dose of reality that is gorey and green
envious and mean,
perverted the children into pornographic beings
Every day is a dream and I'm really awake when I'm asleep.
I've been holding this bloody mess together
to not set off alarms
in the eyez that are watching all the time.
Show me your swollen human heart before the moment's broken.


Cleaning myself of this mess.
This bloody mess that seems to never end! A constant battle or perhaps series of battles that I don't want to win. I remember back when I was younger. The first thing that teach you when you come into this world, are the values of your culture.


My Culture Always Said YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE YOUR BLOOD FAMILY. No matter how much they hurt you. backstab you. betray you. steal from you. abuse you. brainwash you. WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE; As Mexicans, no matter how dysfunctional your blood family is you NEVER completely leave them out of the picture. If this means you are held down, then you better suck it up and pull up the whole entire family.

BOOM!

Listening to: Kiss of Life-Sade
Reading: Cheap Diamonds
Watching: Pop Garbage
Playing: with myself
Eating: pussy
Drinking: Lemon Ginger Echinacea



I just want to make things clear to anyone who's just signing onto this little project of mine.

You don't even begin to understand how deep this goes. Are you game?