this is the code; 1984

Friday, April 30, 2010 10:25 PM
From: "Rose A" View contact details
To: philipdefranco@gmail.com

Hey Phil. My name is Rose Arellano. I'm a fairly new subscriber. I love your videos, your quirks are funny and you are very aware of things around you. I love when you start talking about Big Brother, or youtube politics, or whatever's on the news.

I've been vlogging almost a year now. It's only 600 subscribers not like you but I definetly feel like I have an audience. LOL my relationship with Youtube started as an outlet and now I'm really starting to see it as a message. You can get overnight stardom through the internet, it's crazy how much influence Youtube has on people. We need people like you out on the internet as anchormen (except waaaaaaaaay cooler cuz you're not old lol) I'm curious about your contract. Do you have a partnership with Youtube? What's your take on Big Brother and the New World Order? How's Obama doing? What's your take on educational reform? Grants?

Do you know about any scholarship I could get to pay for college? You have high ties, Phil. You can penetrate the system LOL Informing and helping the community by helping the poor get educated LMAO. Seriously....I'm not joking about that one.

I don't even know if you'll really read this email since you probably get bombarded with a billion emails a day. I hope you respond with an amazing video! Looking forward to hearing from you, Phil.



Rose





Am I just paranoid?

2012

Hey Meli,

I know you are intuitive and you can feel things beyond this reality. It's not something I think is impossible. I believe I am connected deeply to the universe. I don't know exactly, your belief systems but I think that it is possible to be more connected to certain mental capabilities than others. Sometimes that may seem like you know what they are thinking or saying to themselves because of something inside yourself that tells you. I get it, makes me feel crazy...

Like I have lots of random thoughts that come to me about the future. Sometimes about things that happen 2 seconds later. Sometimes things I wanted to say but didn't. Sometimes I say the exact same thing Ash does or say something to the extent of what she is saying. Sometimes its just a feeling about something that's about to happen.

I believe you will read this. I believe that you miss me too. I believe that you still love me as much as you always have and that you will respond to me soon.

maybe 8 days after I sent this upon the universe.
I will have zero time to wait from
2day.

We are 3 little girls grown crooked
we are in common
You know about
the seven days out of the week, and
7 dimensions of hell
          Home, sweet home

Sometimes you just have to leave things up to f8
4 everything 2 get better.
You know what the funniest part is?
Even separated,
All three of us are seeking the light.

Call me sometime, Smelly Mely. I miss you, little sister.


   Oh,

and you are being such a good big sister to Susy.


♪♫Don't worry, be happy 'cos evry little thang's gonna be alright.

Love,

         Rosie

something new

Clinamen
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Clinamen is the Latin name Lucretius gave to the unpredictable swerve of atoms, in the atomistic doctrine of Epicurus.
According to Lucretius, the unpredictable swerve occurs "at no fixed place or time":

When atoms move straight down through the void by their own weight, they deflect a bit in space at a quite uncertain time and in uncertain places, just enough that you could say that their motion has changed. But if they were not in the habit of swerving, they would all fall straight down through the depths of the void, like drops of rain, and no collision would occur, nor would any blow be produced among the atoms.
[

In that case, nature would never have produced anything.[1]
This indeterminacy, according to Lucretius, provides the "free will which livings things throughout the world have."[2]



http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/04/30/arizona-legislature-passes-banning-ethnic-studies-programs/

lesbian survey

1. Are you girly?
Yes, mostly. I definitely have my boi moments too ;)

2. Do you like Bi girls?
Sure.

3. Are you a good kisser?
I've been told.

4. Whats your favorite thing about girls?
The way they speak, their eyez, the way they touch you when they love you

5. WHERE'S 5?

6. Do you play softball?
HAHAHAH, no.

7. Which would you prefer beach or movie?
most definetly beach.


8. Do you like to make the first move?
depends on who.

9. How many times have you been asked how lesbians have sex?
omg that question is one of the first questions brought up when I first meet someone and I tell them I'm gay. It's so fucking annoying. Dude, c'mon get creative. Shiet, I do.

10. How many times have you been asked "are you the guy or girl in the relationship?"
Also another common question that asked. *sigh* people are so ignorant.

11. Do your parents know?
yeah, my mom has spells of denial sometimes but for the most part it's become a part of who I am and they know it's not a phase.

12. Coke or Dr.Pepper?
Neither. I perfer wine.

13. Nike...Adidas...Kswiss...
adidas?

14. Have you ever proposed to your girlfriend?
I proposed to an ex, waaaay too soon and in hopes that I could tie her down. Can't turn a hoe into a housewife. I learned my lesson and now I'm waiting to show my current girlfriend how serious I am but at the RIGHT time.

15. Have you ever been cheated on?
yes. Fuck my hoe ex.

16. Have you ever cheated on one of your gf’s?
never.

17. Whats your favorite color?
indigo, marroon, black

18. Do you do any drugs or drink?
I drink occassionally a glass of wine or two and a blunt or two on occassion.

19. Do you have any piercings?
my tongue for the obvious reasons ;P


20. Any tattoos?
Yes.

21. Do you ever get called by your last name or some random form of your name or just a weird nickname in general?
Shmoopsy pretty weird LOL NOBODY knows where that came from like I made it up or something smh... I'm not that creative LOL I got it from Monsters Inc. That one eyed snake haired monster is Shmoopsy LOL

22. Do you like T.A.T.U. even though they’re "fake" lesbians?:
i bet you they get down when they get horny lol. i like some songs sure.

23. Do you like Tegan and Sara?:
some songs, sure.

24. Do you know at least one lesbian that sings and plays guitar at a local coffee shop?
LOL!!!!

25. Have you ever seen But I’m a Cheerleader?:
I LOVE THAT MOVIE. Usually one of the first movies a lesbian sees upon coming out LOL

26. Lost and Delirious?:
um, sometimes....

27. Bound?:
not usually LOL not ever actually....

28. Gia?:
mmm, she's such a good actress. I wish Angie's life wasn't so fucking public I would like her more if I didn't hear anything about her and her 20 children from the UN all the time.

29. D.E.B.S.?
?

30. Boys Don’t Cry?
YES YES YES *herbal essence commerical*

31. Better Than Chocolate?:
LOVE IT!!

32. Kissing Jessica Stein?:
nope haven't seen it

33. Any other good ones we missed?:

34. do you love dildos?
yeah....duh.

35. Who’s your favorite famous lesbian?
Queen Latifa

36. Do you love Angelina Jolie?
I love her acting in Gia and Girl, interrupted

37. Do you own a pair of cargo shorts?
LOL, no.

38. Polo shirts?
ew. No.

39. Admit it, do you pop your collar?
No. no no.

40. Do you love basketball shorts?
LOL sure.

41. Ever wear boxers to bed?
sometimes but mostly I wear nada to bed.

42. Do you wear make up?
Sometimes.

43. ??? Where did this question go?

44. Have you ever given flowers?
Yes. I'ma romantic

45. Wrote a poem or song for someone?
of course. See above.

46. Had a girl give you flowers or write a poem?
Write poems about how terribly suffocating I am, yeah sure and my girlfriend gave me a rose once lol

48. Are you just as bad as one of the guys when watching a football game?
ew. No. I don't even know what's going on during football games. Only thing I care about is my team winning.

49. Suck the right and make the left jealous?
HAHAHAHA, ooookay then you suck the left and go down.

50. Do your parents know about you?
yes, I thought I answered this already...

51. ??? and yet another blank and empty space with no question....

52. What about the rest of your family?
hmm, the younger generation knows on my mother's side and the whole family knows on my dad's side LOL thanks to last years xmas party when I drank FARRRR too much. LOL

53. Would rather have a one night stand with a girl or a long relationship?
um, one night stands are gross. I'd like to remain STD free, thanks.

54. Whats your ideal date?
depends on the person I were going out with. For my girlfriend, I'd wanna take her to the beach at night, underneath a billion stars with a fire lite up and a blanket.

55. Do you like tattoos and piercings on a girl?
I love tattoos SO sexy. Piercings...it really depends and they can't be too crazy.

56. Are you confident in bed?
lol, mostly yes sometimes I have an off day where i'm like OMG AM I DOING THIS RIGHT? DO YOU LIKE THIS? AM I HITTING THAT SPOT YOU LIKE BABY????!!!!!LOL

57. Ever get a bit freaky?
haha, i embody the word freak, very little is taboo. ;)

58. Do you like taking the lead or letting someone else?
both!!!

60. Who do you think is the hottest L word character?
mmm, carmen....drool.

61. Do you like playing the boi or girl role in a relationship?
This is an oversimplification and conflation of hypercomplex intersections between dialectics about gender and sexuality, I mean, really…


63. Do you shop more in the girl’s or guy’s side of stores?
i like what I like and I search everywhere to find it.

64. Have you ever noticed the difference between a gay girls and a straight girls dancing style?
like what? Straight girls dance with their ass and gay girls dancing with their ass...wait.. no, i don't notice the difference.

65. Can you be caught wearing a hat a lot?
actually no.

66. Do you usually have your hair up in a pony tail or down?
my hair is short so its mostly down but its getting longer and I put it up sometimes.

67. How much rainbow stuff do you own?
lol just a belt....I dont even know if I have it anymore. It's buried under hella shit.

68. Have you ever been to a pride festival or parade?
lol, yeah 2007 and 2009. Kind of lame, honestly. The hot girls were taken and the rest were too drunk to notice anything but the people right in front of them. BOOO!!!

69. Is chapstick a must for you when going out?:
No, I hardly wear anything on my lips with the rare occasion I wear red lipstick or lipgloss.

70. Have you ever kissed a straight girl?
yes, many times. They come onto me! I don't do shiet!

need to be resourceful

old worn blankets from thrift stores.
Sleeping bag built for two.
Some clothing line.
small tent (?)
small protable grill (?)
5 pairs of underwear
stealing socks and toiletries
good soap for clothing and selves
small shampoo (steal shampoo)
need to get hair braided
comfortable clothes

need to find cheap herb for toothbrushing
MINT TOOTHPASTE RECIPE
Ingredients:

6 teaspoons baking soda
1/3 teaspoon salt
4 teaspoons glycerin
15 drops peppermint or wintergreen extract
Directions: Mix thoroughly. Should be a tooth paste consistency. Store in a container. You'll be surprised with how fresh your mouth feels.
LEMON MOUTHWASH RECIPE
Ingredients:

3/4 cup vodka
20 drops lemon essential oil
1 1/4 cup distilled water
30 drops bergamot essential oil
Directions: Combine the vodka with the essential oils in a bottle, shake well then allow to sit for 1 week. Shake once a day. When ready to use it , dilute the mix with 3 parts water/ 1 part mixture. Use it as a gargle or mouth rinse. Do Not Drink.
SUPER CLEANSER
Ingredients:

Hydrogen peroxide (a few drops)
Baking soda
Directions: Make a paste by combining the two ingredients. Use this paste on your teeth and also gently rub along your gums two times a week.
MOUTHWASH
Rinse your mouth with cooled tea (mint is a perfect choice.)


look up places to stay (for free)
find a laptop (dumpster diving)
big big bagpack
pillows. little ones. airplanes ones.
toothbrushes
3 pants 5 shirts
2-3 jackets
good walking shoes (look up good working out shoes)- Trail shoes


it's good to wear layers.

interesting concept for this trip
Take Back the Land

squat!net

Remember this-- Stealing trash is not illegal. The Supreme Court ruled in 1988 that once an item is left for trash pickup, there is no expectation of privacy or continued ownership.

How to go dumpster diving by headphonez

"Smelly but interesting. "

It took me 1 day It made me odd
How I did it: Find a dumpster, watch out for cops, reach or jump in.

Find a store or place that *might* toss something interesting and raid the dumpster at night. Scoop out the local during the day if you can to see what it is you will be doing at night. Hit it during the late night or early morning.

Lessons & tips: Cops don't like ya doing it. Do it at night. Having a look out is good, having a get away car is better.

Resources: grubby clothes, car, look out, dumpster

Find good shit from nice apartment complexes.

http://www.survivalistboards.com/
http://money.howstuffworks.com/squatting.htm

Mills women quoted

"The revolution will be spicy and sweet and sticky: pineapple and jalapeNo, red chile de arbol and mango, cayenne and tamarindo. it will stick you your fingers and your hair, and when you kiss her you'll taste memory on her lips. it will smell like sweat and summer."

”I live on Earth at present, and I don’t know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing — a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process — an integral function of the Universe.”
Lina Blanco-Ogden

Road Trip Planning

Greenville, SC 5/15-6/12
Atlanta, GA 6/12-6/19
Richmond, VA 6/19-6/26
Washington DC 6/26-7/03
New Jersey 7/03-07/10
Philadelphia, PA 07/10-07/17
New York, NY 07/17-07/31
Boston, MA 07/31-08/10

These are the cities.

If we wanna see Pittsburgh, PA we need to go before May the 15th
canceling that idea.

Also adding another place; Burlington, VA/Middlebury, VA 7/31 to 8/07 (?) 8/08 (?)

Dear Honey Bee,

Hi baby sister,
it's been so long since we've talked. Almost a year of silence but it's been longer than that since we've had a real conversation. You won't talk to me anymore and refuse to make amends. I can't say I'm surprised, you scorpio, you. We both were raised to hold grudges so it makes sense that you hate me for leaving you. I figure since it'll be awhile until you get over yourself I'll just write you letters, although, I've been writing you poems and prose since I can remember. All this time that we were in silence I wrote to you, telling you my life stories and my secrets. I thought our loyalty to one another would be forever. Two scorpio children that went through hell together.

I can't say that i agree with every choice you've made but I can tell you that every time I look at you I'm amazed at how much you've grow up. I remember when we were little and we used to do dancing and singing shows together for mom. Everything I did, you wanted to do too. And I always wanted you around to talk to. For years you were my best friend and you still could be. Although my secrets were spilled, it's just milk and I forgave you because you didn't know any better.

I don't know what you've gone through these last couple of years, once I got into college you closed yourself off from me and I tried to pull you close, maybe i could have tried harder or maybe you could have tried harder but i missed you. Meli, I wish I could call you. I wish I could talk to you and get high like we used to and do stupid shit until we were on the floor red and laughing with stomach pains. On your 18th birthday coming up I hope you are around, I have surprise for you. I hope you put aside the fingers that you keep pointing at me and let me show you how much i still love you.

baby sister, forgive me for the pain I put you through. Please say you are sorry too.....


Love your big sister,

Rosey

wtf

Boobs, where did you come from? My boobs are still growing!!!

i'ma little early but...

20 years babe. and now I get to share 80 more birthdays with you. I love you.

the potential of my words

Words as heavy as tree trucks
I'm trying to carry these sentences your way
without breaking branches without tearing leaves and nouns.
They leave a trail of abc's along the sidewalks to get swept up and raked away.
I cover my hands in inkblot soil,
my hair is covered in pencil shavings
I am my words dragging them to another location
with the same story engraved in the bark,
the fingerprint of my extremely tall tale
so high I eat the clouds for breakfast at day break.
Words that spill like rain,
thunder storms that rock the world in their wake.
Words like earthquakes shifting the continents
as powerful as god has the potential to be.
I splatter them on the pages,
smearing dictionaries onto sheets of paper
creating blue skies in your mind's eye
I search low for vocabulary,
digging into the roots of knowledge and internet wet dreams
climbing over hills, scratching at skin
tattooing ink, shaving my head
sleeping on sidewalks, in cardboard boxes
inhaling methamphetamin, snorting vicodin
shooting up poisonous lovers, swallowing cum
skipping meals for weeks, drowning in gin and vodka
a quest for more letters
deep and meaningful
full of adjectives and descriptions
just trying to twist the truth
of these words that drag on
with nothing to hold onto.

Fuck. "Goddamn it ____, get off me and just lay next to me."

I'm sorry I said that to you. I'm sorry she still haunts me. I didn't mean to call you that while I was sleeping.

random blogs wish I could vlog

i kinda miss vlogging. I used to have a lot of time for it and now I still have time for it but I can't find a space to do it. Youtube used to be a place where I could just talk and say whatever was on my mind, now I have an audience, I have kids looking up to me and I feel a lot of pressure being a role model. It's like being a role model to 500 kids. I don't want to encourage 15 year olds to go the route I was on at their age, I want them to pursue bigger and better things but my 1 dimensional persona on Youtube is a role model. There are so many parts of my life that I avoid talking about because I am embarrassed of where I'm at or where I've been. I feel like a child in so many ways. The older I get the more I feel like I'm a kid, the more I want to act out and being a child, I want to throw tantrums and whine and laugh about stupid shit and run around the grass chasing bunnies without feeling like I'm supposed to be an adult and pay bills.

I started my first day at work yesterday. I spent 8 hours washing dishes for a very busy restaurant and doing other bitch work *sigh* I remembered why I hated working food services. So much work so little to show for it at the end of the day. my babe and I are both working there, it's her first day today and she's had the easy shift...lucky bitch lol and I got an interview today at Mickey D's! (YAYYY and my parents said I'd never amount to anything HA!) and I will be having another interview tomorrow with the store manager and probably start working on Wed. Yippy! I've been unemployed for 3 months and lazy as fuck and now I'll have 2 full time jobs....hmm... lets see how long I can go for before I pass out.

I finally have a place to stay with my babe. I posted some shit on CL and finally someone genuine hit me up and offered to help us out. I hope that everything goes well and we can help him out as much as possible as well. His house is tiny but he has a spare room with a mattress and he's letting us sleep there. It's so funny to me when people that don't have much will still offer to help others while the ones who have a lot will rarely offer to help or be generous. It's sad really and it makes me so angry. I want to punch my gf's roommate in her fat face for being such a selfish bitch. Not everyone has parents that pay for everything. Stupid fat whore.

I'm glad things are finally beginning to make progress. School is still up in the air as far as how I'm going to pay for it. $51,300 for one year. Just ONE year. I don't wanna put my hopes up in case i can't attend because it costs too much. I wrote to Oprah and Tyra Banks and I was thinking of writing to other companies for financial sponsors. I NEED to go to school. I wish I didn't take so much advantage when I had it. I wish I did better in my classes. I wish I could go back and live it again. I feel like college is where I was supposed to be for the last 2 years and instead I've been lost and roaming the country.

I can't complain about traveling though. I love going to new places and seeing new things. I can never stand still for too long I always end up moving around. I just wish I had really loved my time in college. I guess it takes something to go away for you to miss it and I've def. learned my lesson. Once I get back in school I will focus and enjoy my time in class.

I feel like starting up another Youtube channel just for myself to talk and vent my happy times and sorrow. I enjoy vlogging but it's definitely changed from where it was to what it is now. I'll start my little diary vlog sometime soon whenever I can find a place and webcam to do it on. The campus computer lab doesn't really allow much noise so I haven't been able to video anything really. And there are always a crapload of people around and wtf I want to JUST TALK TO A COMPUTER GODDAMN IT GIMMI SOME PRIVACY lol. About 4 weeks from now the scenery will change once again. I will be in beautiful and green South Carolina with my in-laws who adore me.

That's a little scary. Not because I don't love them, omg they are amazing but because...they are so amazing and I love them so much already. I feel like I missed out on a lot of mother daughter shit when I was younger because my mother is so stuck in herself and old ways and traditions that she sees me as this 1 dimensional person that doesn't have feelings and is obligated (because she birthed me) to serve her every need. I hope now that things are changing at home, that she'll start to change as well. The kitchen will be different next time I visit. The day care will be gone (FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and Sunny is there while Kiko is gone and his owner has not kept his word and kept in touch while I'm very sad about but I know Kiko is happy wherever he is. Susy is getting older and smarter everyday and my sisters are still being little bitch teenagers. I know they like to blame me for anything bad that happens in their lives. It sucks a lot because I miss them so much and I would love to reconnect but I know that shit takes time and my family has raised us to hold grudges and point fingers. HORRAY FOR FAMILY VALUES. Well, I've written enough for today. Later.

monologue

I am one of those people that you forget,
it may not seem like it at first but you look through me you look past me
I am not your problem
I must be a drug addict or someone lazy
because I can't find a job in this economy
it never occurs to you that I might just be someone without a hand of cards,
your deck is filled with possibilities
and you have parents that pay for your education and the bed you sleep on,
I might as well have been orphaned.
I am the forgotten, everyone is blind to me.
it's not your problem.
You don't have to deal with it,
you'll walk past me without even speaking.
Your hand full of aces and queens, while mine remains empty.
I am a shadow on the wall unnoticed,
cornered in the alleys with no where to go,
sleeping on pavement, blankets made of bitter cold.
You wouldn't think so looking at me.
It's not your fault my life sucks,
so then it must not be your problem.

on a lighter note

I find these so amusing and when I find the time and money
they will be made and eaten ♥

how to make Peepshi
1. Slice off six 3/16th inch slices lengthwise from a Rice Krispies Treat (Please don't kill yourself trying to get exactly 3/16 inches. There are more important things to worry about, like beheading Peeps!).

2. Execute six Peeps of your color choice by decapitation. Cut off more neck than you think is appropriate. If necessary, you can trim off more later.

3. Portion out a length of Fruit by the Foot slightly longer than the Rice Krispies Treat slice.

4. Flatten and elongate the Rice Krispies Treat slice slightly and shape it into a hollow circle. It's okay if it breaks, just mold it back together again.

5. Take a Peep head and tuck it into the top of the hollow Rice Krispies treat cylinder. Use a toothpick or tip of the a knife to help get it snug.

6. Wrap the Fruit by the Foot strip around your roll. Some folding and nipping may be necessary to get the cleanest look.

7. Serve at room temperature.

A Primer on Peepshi Traditions

1. There is no wasabi. Same goes for ginger. Peeps are sassy enough on their own. (We tried smashing up a green Peep for a wasabi-esque condiment, but decided against this.)
2. Do not eat an entire Peeps roll. Unless it's a challenge. (Honor must be kept at all costs.)
3. Use the extra Peeps bodies (there will be many) to create your own Peeps diorama!
4. Room temperature water is the ideal companion to Peepshi. Too cold and the sugar feels gritty in a bad way. Too hot and then, you're just drinking hot water.
5. Don't let silent Peeps screams deter you from your task. You're a professional.

scribbles

little obsessions taunt my life
fingers that inch on my inner thighs too close for me to feel safe
the sky looks more blue every time I look at you
and then your embrace fills me with the sunrise every morning
you run your hands across my back, never leave me
so i try not to listen to the voices that scream bloody insults
My brain sounds like static, a thousand voices crying
and times with you when you look at me, my head starts to get quiet
I feel a gumball in my throat that I can't swallow
I choke and I gag and I cry until it all spills out in front of you
a mess,
I look crazed, insane and rabies filled
and you see my inner child.
I feel diseased when all my secrets are revealed
I know that you read all of my thoughts without meaning to
I talk to you in telepathy, we speak through our eyez
when I create your smile you give birth to the sunrise
inside me, I'm dark
I know all of the shadows
you capture the stars and we hold them together
we complete the puzzle of the soul
in the black we are light
and you love me when I love you.

I've never felt that before.



today was so funny.