inspired by Alex once again

by now
i don't feel attached to my skin

i dont feel gravity push my feet in

human, don't see our connection

don't see how we get from me to you to go back again

i'm just me
because my atoms assembled as such

my skin renews
I'm not the same girl that you knew

My atoms reassemble in the same sequence
human connections are torn apart
you are a mirror breathing heavy on my sins
I can take myself apart in bits
small pieces
so that nobody notices small blue parts
that are missing
from the back of my mind.
Queer little child, don't know how to spell the words inside my brain
it is not easy to speak to strangers
my atoms must be arranged into another being
another type of person that can talk and laugh in unison
on cue
I must be renewed
I am exactly the same girl you once knew
running in circles because as a chameleon
I change faces but not what's underneath them
At a moment I'm peacefully content swimming in the darkness
the moon mocks me smiling behind star lights
follow you everywhere I'm scared to be alone
I'm lonely, silly human, it is the condition you've been bored with
you can manipulate hormones and brain waves to save you in your heartache
drive myself crazy
I have grey hairs already
I'm only 20. I'm only 20.
I feel older than I have ever been. My bones creak inside me
My muscles are dissolving inside my limbs.
For years I've been killing myself slowly
this beautiful death that I take part in every day of my life
I don't eat, it contains life
I don't sleep, giving me dreams that keep me thinking about
loving the other side of nothing
I don't feel attached to my skin
underneath flesh that browns and crisps
ashes from my flesh.
ashes from my life.
It hurts too much to cry all at once.
I've got so much.
I've got so much.