I cannot feel high until I feel lower
lower than dirt below the ground 6 feet deeper than usual
farther into the core of the earth, lower than death can take me.
Then I begin to fill with helium,
belly full of high pitched laughter and dizzy spells,
my voicebox is crowded with conversation left behind
and I smoked until I was blown up and held down with a string.
Floating in blue winds,
escaping your hands into the sky.
Higher and higher than daytime blue, starry light
higher than god.
I cannot feel high until i've been low.
So bottomed out that I couldn't move.
So fucked up that I forced myself to breathe.
I give you my lungs.
Tar filled cancer.
Fill me up with something lighter than oxygen.
hold me down with a string tied to your wrist.
And one day with some luck
I'll escape you.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The flea market
I'm inspired by the indigo sky
purple fading kisses to the sun,
waving goodbye into another day and timezone
as I am here missing you
counting seconds,
counting stars.
I sat on the bus today,
center of attention,
fading away into a sea of discomfort and mania,
I forget English,
people talking to me
surrounding, laughing,
center of the frenzy.
I arrive to drums and weed smoke,
brand new sage leaves
wrapped in white and black strings
I come to the witch doctors in urgency.
Older men talking to me about
entities taking over my house, and my mother.
My girlfriend is the doorway to multiple realms,
spirits come to her to lead them.
The lights got low and the cold stuck on my bones.
I feel alone.
I want lonely times and broken hearts,
a siren is singing her poison near by.
She's beautiful, here.
I forget English,
someone is talking to me.
I follow the yellow brick road to the 57 bus stop in oakland
Hearing my thoughts,
speaking through the waves of power in the air
somewhere subconsciously picking up
the signals of my girlfriend's state of mind.
We are connected so deeply,
roots all the same.
I see black faces with fish eyez and wide gold grins
I see black clouds gathering for more rainfall
I see the path, not too far off.
a blunt in one hand, self medicating.
And then I get home and sleep.

purple fading kisses to the sun,
waving goodbye into another day and timezone
as I am here missing you
counting seconds,
counting stars.
I sat on the bus today,
center of attention,
fading away into a sea of discomfort and mania,
I forget English,
people talking to me
surrounding, laughing,
center of the frenzy.
I arrive to drums and weed smoke,
brand new sage leaves
wrapped in white and black strings
I come to the witch doctors in urgency.
Older men talking to me about
entities taking over my house, and my mother.
My girlfriend is the doorway to multiple realms,
spirits come to her to lead them.
The lights got low and the cold stuck on my bones.
I feel alone.
I want lonely times and broken hearts,
a siren is singing her poison near by.
She's beautiful, here.
I forget English,
someone is talking to me.
I follow the yellow brick road to the 57 bus stop in oakland
Hearing my thoughts,
speaking through the waves of power in the air
somewhere subconsciously picking up
the signals of my girlfriend's state of mind.
We are connected so deeply,
roots all the same.
I see black faces with fish eyez and wide gold grins
I see black clouds gathering for more rainfall
I see the path, not too far off.
a blunt in one hand, self medicating.
And then I get home and sleep.

What's going on right this second...
♥I enjoy cybersex with my girlfriend.
♥I enjoy phonesex with my girlfriend. Well, I enjoy every kind of sex with my girlfriend actually.
♥Due to a collective number of people in California having tsunami dreams
and the recent current global climate changes i want to move out of California. Now.
♥I really want to learn this song on piano (and i'm getting far along)
♥I really miss school.
♥I want to read another book. I think I'll go to the library tomorrow.
♥I want a room for myself to decorate with a giant christmas lights tree and a tent and clouds on the walls and my art in frames. A bed to sleep on with covers I LOVE.A pillow I love and all kinds of fuzzy strange creatures on my bed.
♥I just recently realized I'm abnormally paranoid about the government and Big Brother taking over.

♥I enjoy phonesex with my girlfriend. Well, I enjoy every kind of sex with my girlfriend actually.
♥Due to a collective number of people in California having tsunami dreams
and the recent current global climate changes i want to move out of California. Now.
♥I really want to learn this song on piano (and i'm getting far along)
♥I really miss school.
♥I want to read another book. I think I'll go to the library tomorrow.
♥I want a room for myself to decorate with a giant christmas lights tree and a tent and clouds on the walls and my art in frames. A bed to sleep on with covers I LOVE.A pillow I love and all kinds of fuzzy strange creatures on my bed.
♥I just recently realized I'm abnormally paranoid about the government and Big Brother taking over.

Friday, January 29, 2010
hidden
I am hidden in the walls,
everyone sees me
as a part of the background,
I blend into the paper and glue,
the flowers imprinted in full bloom,
piano keys miss me
as much as I miss you.
Helpless. I am invisible here,
I must hide underneath beds,
hide underneath
tables underneath educated women
here, child, I am clear and see through.
everyone sees me
as a part of the background,
I blend into the paper and glue,
the flowers imprinted in full bloom,
piano keys miss me
as much as I miss you.
Helpless. I am invisible here,
I must hide underneath beds,
hide underneath
tables underneath educated women
here, child, I am clear and see through.
Monday, January 25, 2010
I find myself tired. All the time. Every moment I open my eyez I wish they were still closed dreaming something wicked. I wish that I could be light. I want to be light, small, tiny and everlasting. I feel heavy, strained and bleeding. I drag my feet, my shoes are worn down at the heels. I hunch my shoulders, i'm used to being alone hovered over a computer, a notebook. I find myself constantly irritable. I wake up exhausted. i can't sleep here, it's not mine here.
It's raining outside at Mills. It is Monday morning, California is dreaming sunshine and beaches. Still tucked in between the covers, snoring. Just like Hazel is right now. Just like she does every night. And I am awake. What am I still doing awake at 3:48am? I guess, old habits die hard. I never sleep and when I do, it's painful. Life's a bitch, sometimes, you know? Everything I want just out of reach. I thought I picked my life back up. I thought I got everything back and guess what?! I'm right back where I started.
Follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road. I must have navigated another way. I must have done something wrong. Of course, it's my fault. bad karma. Rose, you have bad karma. Make the most out of what you have.
Take everything they've got and run.
It's raining outside at Mills. It is Monday morning, California is dreaming sunshine and beaches. Still tucked in between the covers, snoring. Just like Hazel is right now. Just like she does every night. And I am awake. What am I still doing awake at 3:48am? I guess, old habits die hard. I never sleep and when I do, it's painful. Life's a bitch, sometimes, you know? Everything I want just out of reach. I thought I picked my life back up. I thought I got everything back and guess what?! I'm right back where I started.
Follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road. I must have navigated another way. I must have done something wrong. Of course, it's my fault. bad karma. Rose, you have bad karma. Make the most out of what you have.
Take everything they've got and run.
You Don't Know Anything About Me.
I dont remember half of my life because it got so bad I blacked out on pills
on alcohol on anything I could get my hands on, everything, everything under the sun and in the cabinets of strangers houses, i don't know anyone, every person is a stranger, I am too many faces to play games with. I am so powerful I shake when I try to lay still, i feel the vibrations from the earth inside of me and when I quake, I wake the dead memories I thought I had forgotten. I'm always fighting to keep monster habits under control. Needs to shove my fingers down my throat, i'm not binging and purging I just don't feel right with those items in my stomach. i try not to often enough to make it a habit cuz I refuse to kill myself slowly how I used to at 15. I dream about cocaine, it's white powder glory erasing all logic, numb true blue feelings inside the drip that I taste. I feign. Every day I still think about cocaine. It didn't feel good but I still wanted to do it, have it up my nose dripping scrambling my brain, feeling nothing, so good to feel nothing. Heartache holds me dearly like a lover, like a mother. I try not to think about these things. Old habits die hard, always triggered and reminded by the world. Hoping to love my face in the mirror today. I didn't go looking for drugs, but I thought about them all day long, the marijuana wasn't enough and hasn't been enough for the past couple of months but I won't let myself fall because I have her now. And she loves me. And I knew that I would find her because if I didn't I might have found the will to lose myself again, become a mess, become a mess so dirty I stick to the floor no matter how many times you clean it. I don't go looking for trouble. No more fingers down my throat unless i'm drunk and nauseous. No more pills no more cocaine, I promise. I haven't even gotten drunk for awhile, which is good. I believe somewhere buried under so many secrets that I love myself so much that I won't allow myself those cravings for pain. I still feel the lonely. I still feel the crying terrible feelings I felt before when I was younger, when I would cut myself. I wanted to see blood, as PROOF that I was real, and now I am just always questioning this reality. Always asking what if I was dreaming and she was gone. My biggest fear is that I will lose her by losing myself. Sometimes it feels so good to hurt. To feel that blade. To cry for everything I'm not allowed to have. I want to be happy really badly. I swear I want to be happy. I know I could reach that place.
I dont remember half of my life because it got so bad I blacked out on pills
on alcohol on anything I could get my hands on, everything, everything under the sun and in the cabinets of strangers houses, i don't know anyone, every person is a stranger, I am too many faces to play games with. I am so powerful I shake when I try to lay still, i feel the vibrations from the earth inside of me and when I quake, I wake the dead memories I thought I had forgotten. I'm always fighting to keep monster habits under control. Needs to shove my fingers down my throat, i'm not binging and purging I just don't feel right with those items in my stomach. i try not to often enough to make it a habit cuz I refuse to kill myself slowly how I used to at 15. I dream about cocaine, it's white powder glory erasing all logic, numb true blue feelings inside the drip that I taste. I feign. Every day I still think about cocaine. It didn't feel good but I still wanted to do it, have it up my nose dripping scrambling my brain, feeling nothing, so good to feel nothing. Heartache holds me dearly like a lover, like a mother. I try not to think about these things. Old habits die hard, always triggered and reminded by the world. Hoping to love my face in the mirror today. I didn't go looking for drugs, but I thought about them all day long, the marijuana wasn't enough and hasn't been enough for the past couple of months but I won't let myself fall because I have her now. And she loves me. And I knew that I would find her because if I didn't I might have found the will to lose myself again, become a mess, become a mess so dirty I stick to the floor no matter how many times you clean it. I don't go looking for trouble. No more fingers down my throat unless i'm drunk and nauseous. No more pills no more cocaine, I promise. I haven't even gotten drunk for awhile, which is good. I believe somewhere buried under so many secrets that I love myself so much that I won't allow myself those cravings for pain. I still feel the lonely. I still feel the crying terrible feelings I felt before when I was younger, when I would cut myself. I wanted to see blood, as PROOF that I was real, and now I am just always questioning this reality. Always asking what if I was dreaming and she was gone. My biggest fear is that I will lose her by losing myself. Sometimes it feels so good to hurt. To feel that blade. To cry for everything I'm not allowed to have. I want to be happy really badly. I swear I want to be happy. I know I could reach that place.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.
(Sonnet XLIII) by Edna St. Vincent Millay
Odi et amo.quare id faciam,fortasse requiris.nesco,sed fieri sento et excrucior...
"I love and hate. Perhaps you ask why I am doing this, I do not know, but I feel it happening and I am in torture."
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.
(Sonnet XLIII) by Edna St. Vincent Millay
Odi et amo.quare id faciam,fortasse requiris.nesco,sed fieri sento et excrucior...
"I love and hate. Perhaps you ask why I am doing this, I do not know, but I feel it happening and I am in torture."
as much as i have the need to settle down
I have the need to get up and go so much more often
than to sit down and settle. Settle like tea leaves
at the bottom of my cup. I'm getting up to go to breakfast
today, walk 2 miles today, spoil myself because
self destruction is my middle name and I happen to destruct too often.
too often around habits that are easily picked up.
smoke weed all day, I'm sure that's very productive.
I put some Kahlua in my coffee yesterday
and I'm planning to do it again today.
Oh jeez, how safe is it to be around me?
Constant moving, shifting, can't stand still.
I'm moving away again cuz I can't stay here.
No, I can't stay here in this mess.
I just need to get some shit accomplished,
I just need to finish everything ASAP.
Finish everything ASAP.
I know my parents are gonna flip.
But i'm an adult now and my life is mine.
East Coast, here I come.
I WILL learn from my mistakes
I will have a job when I get there and start working the day after I arrive.
I will get my own place.
I will take violin lessons or art classes while I'm out there.
I will grow as a person.
I will be happy with my baby.
I know she's got my back, there's no question on that. She's the best thing thats ever happen to me. I love her so much and I promise that we can do anything together.
We are the powerful ancient creature, once called humans before we were split in half, we are all powerful and ancient.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
do I stay or do i go?
wind in my ears whispers to me
those songs I hear only when you are near
it seems like clear like the universe had planned it all
building me solid so that I couldn't fall too hard
if I ever fell at all.
Do it Rose. Go.
Run into that wind. California is goin down anyways.
Tornadoes and Earthquakes are battling for the NUMBER ONE SPOT on CNN
they whisper stories that tell me to go home.
and home is where the heart is.
wind whipping reality in the face
I've sung this tune before.
You are my life, don't you know I'll do anything for you?
rocks in my stomach weigh down my food
heavy in the pit of my digestion I can barely move without you
stay here and be lazy, smoke pot, throw the day away
every day, every single day because I can and I will
because i built dirty habits in California,
loved so deep in this solid that it grows in honor of my name.
Stuck to my roots, my Bay Area bubble
can't loose those hopes that I had for the now to take place at mills as a student
don't I miss those days as a student
too good to believe it, I'm not as foolish as always.
Stay, Rose. It'll save you money! It'll keep you close to everything you've always known!
You could be happy here!!!!!!!!!!! DO IT ROSE!!!!
do I stay or do I go?
should I stay here, anchored by the rocks that I carry?
should I go there, you know I'll be right back.
wind in my ears whispers to me
those songs I hear only when you are near
it seems like clear like the universe had planned it all
building me solid so that I couldn't fall too hard
if I ever fell at all.
Do it Rose. Go.
Run into that wind. California is goin down anyways.
Tornadoes and Earthquakes are battling for the NUMBER ONE SPOT on CNN
they whisper stories that tell me to go home.
and home is where the heart is.
wind whipping reality in the face
I've sung this tune before.
You are my life, don't you know I'll do anything for you?
rocks in my stomach weigh down my food
heavy in the pit of my digestion I can barely move without you
stay here and be lazy, smoke pot, throw the day away
every day, every single day because I can and I will
because i built dirty habits in California,
loved so deep in this solid that it grows in honor of my name.
Stuck to my roots, my Bay Area bubble
can't loose those hopes that I had for the now to take place at mills as a student
don't I miss those days as a student
too good to believe it, I'm not as foolish as always.
Stay, Rose. It'll save you money! It'll keep you close to everything you've always known!
You could be happy here!!!!!!!!!!! DO IT ROSE!!!!
do I stay or do I go?
should I stay here, anchored by the rocks that I carry?
should I go there, you know I'll be right back.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
my mother
She cracks me open.
pushing the right combination of buttons to make me split and break apart
pushing the right combination of buttons to make me split and break apart
Sunday, January 17, 2010

I want your hopes and your dreams.
I want to crush them in between my teeth.
I want to smother them in the pillows and dirty sheets.
I want your heart on a platter just for me.
Give up everything.
THE STORIES THE WORDS THE TRAGEDY!!!
Yes, really.
I'm a crazy person, don't you know I'm serious?
YOU THINK YOU ARE A POET!?!?!?
I wanna murder your words with every sentence.
Rhymes worth nickels and dimes, and constant cliches.
You didn't even know it, staring so hard in the mirror,
Trying to convince yourself you're different.
SPECIAL EVEN!
No monster in the closet,
No monster in the closet
you're just sad and pathetic.
Not a looney nutcase like myself.
I cradle those monsters, feed them my breast
Do you breathe words?
Do you see them solid in the the sky as real as a dream?
Can't scream them like I can.
Can't love those words that ooze sloppy stories like I have.
Twist them into bows like I can.
Can't get near to my stance.
You haven't lived those words like I have.
YOU created the plotline, yes
the aching murder weapon I stole
and I stabbed you in the heart with.
Ripped it out slowly, watched your life dissipate
and through your ransacked second stories,
your washed up words
I created the tragedy
CLICHES MADE INTO LEGENDARY LITERATURE!!!
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY ENOUGH TO BE A POET.
that's only the sad truth, baby.

Saturday, January 16, 2010
Downelink
We are rewind time
clocks are broken mesh on the floor
can't tell time anymore
sit here praying for a real conversation about something
anything living
Is it really that hard to find intelligence in women?
Is that more beautiful than mascara and lipstick?
clocks are broken mesh on the floor
can't tell time anymore
sit here praying for a real conversation about something
anything living
Is it really that hard to find intelligence in women?
Is that more beautiful than mascara and lipstick?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
You know, it's so funny to think about poetry. Poetry. Poetry. This is a land where I can make up and create ANY situation and solve it my way. I use poetry it order to work myself out. work myself through. Not everything is real here either. Sometimes this makes no sense, sometimes nothing happened, or everything did and there is no evidence. But regardless, You won't figure me out trying. I could be at heaven's gates making you think I'm being forced into hell's fire. The beauty, the magic in words is that there is truth in EVERYTHING but the real question is which piece?
ohh
disregard feelings like statues smashed into cement
I am trying to capture the essence of your being inside this poem,
keep you locked here,
unreal,
picked apart if I want you to be,
murdered when I pull the letters apart for the pleasure of watching your torture.
Is this a lover's quarrel or the beginning of the end for all hope?
Such drama lays inside the pages of this page,
these letters that create meaning beyond pronunciation and basic rules of grammar
All filled
top to bottom with stories,
living breathing dying
for the stories letting them take over and become reality,
always need the drama in reality for the poetry.
to make it hurt less.
to make you unreal.
to never let you exist beyond these pages
and these words and I pull apart and burn alive.
I watch their torture
I watch their desperation
and I laugh and walk away
you are no longer human.
A giant black bus comes to an abrupt halt in front of my face. i get onto the bus and pay a dollar to go towards nowhere.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010

left me scattered on the bridge
follow me home
somewhere there is a trail of puzzle pieces,
those pieces
i need time to let me believe in something whole,
the picture being complete again.
One smiling grin in black and white,
it is familiar to me.
on the ground surrounded by drunk immigrants.
40's, shopping carts.
My smile being stepped on,
literally laying on the ground in a puzzle piece.
Figuratively speaking, always being patched up,
picked apart
each piece pulling painfully at my skin,
my wounds are fresh,
I remember yesterday with every step across the bridge.
Sunday, January 10, 2010

dread in my bones, flowing through me like blood.
all up in my lungs. oh misery.
beautiful butterflies flying within me
take me somewhere else
change is like the wind
it blows suddenly.
I must feel it on her knee caps,
on her thighs i find the mysteries of century old literature.
She is perfect as she sleep. I stay up.
Unmoved.
television casting blue lights upon her lips.
I kiss them, she doesn't move. dreaming.
dread inside my kiss, i'll posion her by accident
if i stay too long, drag my feet on 8 months of planning
my nerves are burning through my skin
the mirrors in the bathroom proclaim my sorrows
I have loved you all your life.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
i don't dream, my dreams are stolen by ghosts that live next door
inside me.
She is here now, I touch her face. She is real now
no more computer screens
telephone lines tangled
time runs from me. I won't sleep tonight.
I let her dreams follow twilight skies, shooting stars
I watch them flash behind my eyelids.
I will not close them tonight.

Thursday, January 7, 2010
Sometimes the thoughts inside my head get so jumbled up that I can't speak the words that are gathering in my throat. Sometimes there are so many thoughts that I choke on words, spit words, vomit words, so many words spilt on the floor, the table, the bed, everywhere every place within reach, everything hears me and my slimey slippery words. I don't know how to express these words without their rage or depression. But I suppose that's just exactly how some words are meant to come out.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
refrigerador
sweet screaming and moaning
we flood
this lusty winter woman
honey drunk, nectar down my chin, over my lips
please stay here underneath my skin
keep safe bubbling sadness locked deep
seeping out of my fingertips into you
out of my mouth placed delicate on your tongue.
I'm sorry for my depressed repressed love.
Sex on the counter-tops when my mommy's not home.
Honey candy hands, kissing winter chills away
come to me.

smear black over my raw skin
bitter love behind you, never again.
I live in rain
pour down misery for love, because of love
loving is miserable
loving is black smearing on my face
love is black smeared all over my life.
we flood
this lusty winter woman
honey drunk, nectar down my chin, over my lips
please stay here underneath my skin
keep safe bubbling sadness locked deep
seeping out of my fingertips into you
out of my mouth placed delicate on your tongue.
I'm sorry for my depressed repressed love.
Sex on the counter-tops when my mommy's not home.
Honey candy hands, kissing winter chills away
come to me.

smear black over my raw skin
bitter love behind you, never again.
I live in rain
pour down misery for love, because of love
loving is miserable
loving is black smearing on my face
love is black smeared all over my life.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
whathadhappened
crowded thoughts muffled expressions across your face
throw up on the pillows and blankets
I can't get warm enough to feel your embrace
in this thick liquid posion seeping out of your veins
sweat developing on your hairline
can't think straight
I'm turning and turning
like a merry go round
but I don't go merry around anywhere right now
I'm writing stories here in the creases of the sheets,
stinking of your vomit on my floor,
your bottles in my garbage under my sink
the house is a mess
and my parents are coming home in less than 24 hours.
Just fucking great.
throw up on the pillows and blankets
I can't get warm enough to feel your embrace
in this thick liquid posion seeping out of your veins
sweat developing on your hairline
can't think straight
I'm turning and turning
like a merry go round
but I don't go merry around anywhere right now
I'm writing stories here in the creases of the sheets,
stinking of your vomit on my floor,
your bottles in my garbage under my sink
the house is a mess
and my parents are coming home in less than 24 hours.
Just fucking great.
inner turmoil causing destruction
self medication up in smoke,
hovering over the ceiling,
out of my mouth
words spilling out onto the table.
Terrible secrets.
Too many memories caught in my throat,
choking on those memories, haunting
but still I miss you.
You're spinning in grief,
don't know logic beyond religion,
making you forget that your own children have feelings.
Mommy, you caused the storm that boils underneath the surface.
I'm caught in my internalized gender role,
my suffocating upbringing,
the homophobic culture I am sewn into.
No tengo el vocabulario para decirte en Español
so I let the stories unfold on their own
spilling onto the table in front of your blue moon dinners.
No se como decirte.
I feel it in my bones, I am traveling
farther and farther away from you,
lost
spinning in grief,
never letting go of the heartache you bring.
Mommy, just like you.
I'm messed up
I'm messed up
I'm as crazy as you are
I talk to the walls just like you
just like you
talking into the mirror at my own reflection but nobody listens anymore
same repetitious story played out for years and years
Mom, I'm caught in the inner turmoil of your love
caught in the war between blood.
I've been running in circles around you for so long
wishing you'd love me for who I've become.
I'm messed up,
I'm messed up,
causing destruction everywhere I go,
self medicating up in smoke,
hovering over the ceiling,
out of my mouth words spilling out onto the table.
Too many memories caught in my throat,
choking on those memories,
haunting
but still I love you.
self medication up in smoke,
hovering over the ceiling,
out of my mouth
words spilling out onto the table.
Terrible secrets.
Too many memories caught in my throat,
choking on those memories, haunting
but still I miss you.
You're spinning in grief,
don't know logic beyond religion,
making you forget that your own children have feelings.
Mommy, you caused the storm that boils underneath the surface.
I'm caught in my internalized gender role,
my suffocating upbringing,
the homophobic culture I am sewn into.
No tengo el vocabulario para decirte en Español
so I let the stories unfold on their own
spilling onto the table in front of your blue moon dinners.
No se como decirte.
I feel it in my bones, I am traveling
farther and farther away from you,
lost
spinning in grief,
never letting go of the heartache you bring.
Mommy, just like you.
I'm messed up
I'm messed up
I'm as crazy as you are
I talk to the walls just like you
just like you
talking into the mirror at my own reflection but nobody listens anymore
same repetitious story played out for years and years
Mom, I'm caught in the inner turmoil of your love
caught in the war between blood.
I've been running in circles around you for so long
wishing you'd love me for who I've become.
I'm messed up,
I'm messed up,
causing destruction everywhere I go,
self medicating up in smoke,
hovering over the ceiling,
out of my mouth words spilling out onto the table.
Too many memories caught in my throat,
choking on those memories,
haunting
but still I love you.
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2010
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January
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- Balloon woman
- The flea market
- What's going on right this second...
- sex
- hidden
- I find myself tired. All the time. Every moment I ...
- You Don't Know Anything About Me.I dont remember h...
- What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,...
- I need the constant shifting around, as much as i ...
- do I stay or do i go? wind in my ears whispers to ...
- my mother
- ALL I HAVE TO OFFER YOU IS THIS BATTER HEART, MI ...
- I want your hopes and your dreams.I want to crush ...
- Downelink
- You know, it's so funny to think about poetry. Poe...
- ohh
- It had been raining outside a little earlier. The ...
- patching up the pieces left me scattered on the br...
- i must feel it all at once, every piece togetherdr...
- I watch her sleep. grounded to real time i don't d...
- I don't know how to explain myself well. Sometimes...
- refrigerador
- whathadhappened
- inner turmoil causing destructionself medication u...
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January
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About Me

- Guerrilla Libre
- This is literally my internet notebook. My thoughts at the moment, the words that come straight from my brain to my fingertips tapping on the keyboard to you.