i must feel it all at once, every piece together

dread in my bones, flowing through me like blood.
all up in my lungs. oh misery.
beautiful butterflies flying within me
take me somewhere else
change is like the wind
it blows suddenly.
I must feel it on her knee caps,
on her thighs i find the mysteries of century old literature.
She is perfect as she sleep. I stay up.
Unmoved.
television casting blue lights upon her lips.
I kiss them, she doesn't move. dreaming.
dread inside my kiss, i'll posion her by accident
if i stay too long, drag my feet on 8 months of planning
my nerves are burning through my skin
the mirrors in the bathroom proclaim my sorrows
I have loved you all your life.