I find myself tired. All the time. Every moment I open my eyez I wish they were still closed dreaming something wicked. I wish that I could be light. I want to be light, small, tiny and everlasting. I feel heavy, strained and bleeding. I drag my feet, my shoes are worn down at the heels. I hunch my shoulders, i'm used to being alone hovered over a computer, a notebook. I find myself constantly irritable. I wake up exhausted. i can't sleep here, it's not mine here.

It's raining outside at Mills. It is Monday morning, California is dreaming sunshine and beaches. Still tucked in between the covers, snoring. Just like Hazel is right now. Just like she does every night. And I am awake. What am I still doing awake at 3:48am? I guess, old habits die hard. I never sleep and when I do, it's painful. Life's a bitch, sometimes, you know? Everything I want just out of reach. I thought I picked my life back up. I thought I got everything back and guess what?! I'm right back where I started.

Follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road. I must have navigated another way. I must have done something wrong. Of course, it's my fault. bad karma. Rose, you have bad karma. Make the most out of what you have.


Take everything they've got and run.