Balloon woman

I cannot feel high until I feel lower
lower than dirt below the ground 6 feet deeper than usual
farther into the core of the earth, lower than death can take me.
Then I begin to fill with helium,
belly full of high pitched laughter and dizzy spells,
my voicebox is crowded with conversation left behind
and I smoked until I was blown up and held down with a string.
Floating in blue winds,
escaping your hands into the sky.
Higher and higher than daytime blue, starry light
higher than god.
I cannot feel high until i've been low.
So bottomed out that I couldn't move.
So fucked up that I forced myself to breathe.
I give you my lungs.
Tar filled cancer.
Fill me up with something lighter than oxygen.
hold me down with a string tied to your wrist.
And one day with some luck
I'll escape you.